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Words to describe it Phrase the War and Pass the AmmunitionBy Rick Horowitz (Not long ago, in a brightly lit room...) "OK, gentlemen, listen up -- you all know why we're here today. The strategic and logistical sides are proceeding in superior fashion, as are our diplomatic efforts. The president and his team have put together a massive coalition to smoke this guy out, and we're going to put a stop to him and his terror once and for all." "You tell 'em, General!" "Not so fast. We've got the weapons and the manpower going where we need them, and we've got most of the world standing with us whenever we decide to move, but we're still missing one essential element of a successful campaign." "The name." "Exactly -- the name. Psych-ops-wise, this thing doesn't get off the ground without effective branding. We're looking for something that our folks can salute and that'll put it in a good light with everyone else. I know we thought we had one with 'Operation Infinite Justice,' but --" "A little too pushy?" "Let's just say some of our Middle Eastern colleagues were concerned that we might be trying to out-Allah Allah. You know, 'infinite,' 'eternal' -- that kind of thing rubs some of them the wrong way. Anyway, the Secretary thought we should take another look at it, tweak it a bit, although I'm not sure 'Finite Justice' really -- " "How about 'Justice 24/7'?" "We running a war here, or a convenience store?" "Never mind." "What we need, people, is something memorable. Something with impact. Think 'Desert Shield.' Think 'Desert Storm.'" "How about 'Desert Surge'?" "Colonel, have you looked at a map recently?" "Then 'Mountain Surge.' Or 'Mountain Mist.'" "Excellent!" "Thanks! I -- " "If we're selling shampoo." "Oh." "This shouldn't be all that hard, should it? You just take a couple of words that suggest strength and determination..." "'Operation Backbone Salute'?" "...that don't sound totally ridiculous together, that describe our undertaking in a way that's both inspiring and reassuring." "'Operation Freeze His Assets Off'?" "Captain, do you really think that'll translate well into Arabic? Remember, we're playing to multiple audiences here, and some of them are already pretty nervous about being on our side." "'Operation Not a Crusade'?" "Too defensive." "'Operation Some of Our Best Friends Are Muslims'?" "Much too defensive." "'Operation Just Mission'? No, wait -- 'Just Verdict'! No, wait -- 'Just Do It'!" "It's been done. Look, how difficult can it be for a group of highly intelligent, highly verbal people to come up with one catchy slogan?" "'Operation Catchy Slogan'!" "We're losing our focus, people! Think harder -- the words are out there somewhere!" "'Operation Immense Thesaurus'?" "Now, just wait a minute!..." Posted 9/25/01. Get
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Rick Horowitz
