Friends helping friends...

Another "Gated" Community

By Rick Horowitz

Being the continuing adventures of Multimedia Mike and his hard-driving editor, Idene:

"You wanted to see me, boss?"

"What did my e-mail say?"

"That you wanted to see me."

"So you're asking because...?"

"I'm trying to be polite."

"You're wasting your time. So what have you got for me?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I decided you were right."

"Good career move. And...?"

"It's just like you said: We don't have a scandal story until we have a tag for it. A story with legs, I mean. We need a label."

"And...?"

"That's when I thought of 'Floodgate.'"

"'Floodgate.'"

"You know, with all the water rushing in and breaking down the levees. Actually, I thought about 'Katrinagate' first, but then I said, 'It's not just about Katrina -- it's Rita, too.' Plus it's a real word, 'Floodgate,' so it doesn't sound so forced. Plus -- "

"Plus it sounds like 'Watergate,' the granddaddy of them all."

"Exactly -- but it's not plagiarism."

"'Watergate,' 'Floodgate' -- let's do it. I like it."

"I don't."

"You don't?"

"It's too limiting. Sure, it's a real word and all, but then I'm thinking, 'This thing goes way beyond the flooding.' It certainly goes beyond a couple of hurricanes. It's the whole way they approach things, this bunch."

"Which is...?"

"Well, for one thing, they never concentrate on anything until it's too late, so it's always worse than it had to be, and they're always playing catch-up."

"'Catchupgate'? Sounds like the Reagan people: 'Condiments count as vegetables.'"

"But it's not just that they're playing catch-up. Even -- "

"Thank God! The headlines would have given me the creeps."

"Even once they start doing something, they don't seem to get it right. How long did it take for FEMA to get its act together?"

"Considering some of the clowns they had running the place -- "

"That's what I mean! You look at FEMA, you look at some of the other agencies, and the people they put in charge aren't up to the job. They're just not competent."

"'Competencegate'? I don't think so."

"But -- "

"'Incompetencegate'? That's even worse."

"But it goes beyond incompetence, too. It's -- "

"He ignores me."

"It's this whole tight bunch of friends and relatives, and friends of friends, and old college buddies, and someone who once worked on one of the campaigns, and so they put them in charge -- "

" -- or they throw them all the big reconstruction contracts, just like in Iraq. All this no-bid business..."

"Exactly! It's always the same folks, with all the right political connections."

"'We take care of our own.'"

"'Go to the head of the line.'"

"'You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.'"

"'Cronygate.'"

"I've never -- what did you say?"

"'Cronygate.' For our tag. For the whole mess. That's what I finally came up with: 'Cronygate.'"

"I love it!"

"I thought you might."

"'Cronygate.' I love it!! There's a reason we pay you the big bucks."

"Speaking of which..."

"Don't push your luck."

Posted 9/27/05. Push "Rick's" to the top of your Favorites list -- you'll be so glad you did!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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©2005 Rick Horowitz. All rights reserved.