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Facts are stubborn things

Can Gore Control Himself? It's Debatable.

By Rick Horowitz

MEMO
TO: The Vice President
FROM: The Prep Squad
RE: Tweaks & Techniques

That first debate is getting closer all the time -- an appropriate moment for us to dive in with a bit of last-minute advice. Your practice sessions have been going very well, and you're upbeat about your prospects, as you should be. After all, your grasp of policy details is unmatched, and you've got the right positions on the issues that matter most to voters. In the past few weeks, you've even begun connecting with those voters on a more personal, "gut" level. So things are definitely looking good.

And if you're not careful, you can still toss every one of those advantages right down the toilet.

The latest dip in your poll numbers should be a warning to you: It all depends on how you come across, on Tuesday and at the other two sessions. For many voters -- and we're not telling you anything you don't already know -- these debates are The Defining Moment of the campaign. Yes, the undecideds are looking for someone who's up to the job, but they're also looking for someone they'll be comfortable having around for the next four (or even eight) years. You've been paying us the big bucks for our expertise and our sophisticated analysis, so here's the deal in a nutshell:

Nobody likes Mr. Smartypants.

Nobody likes Mr. Braggy. And most of all:

Nobody likes Mr. Makes-It-Up.

There are things you certainly can say in these debates to cast yourself in a favorable light, or to put Bush on the defensive. There are other things you shouldn't say under any circumstances. You want specifics? We've got specifics.

Talking about the economy, for instance, you can say something like this: "Under the current administration, we've had the longest sustained economic boom in American history, with growing surpluses, minimal inflation and the lowest unemployment rates in decades."

You can't say: "My face is on the new twenty-dollar bill."

On education, you can say something like this: "I want to make sure that each child reaches his or her potential, learning from qualified teachers in well-equipped schools, schools that will be held accountable for making the American Dream a reality for every boy and girl."

You can't say: "My mother-in-law invented phonics."

On health care, you can say: "Seniors shouldn't be forced to choose between putting food on the table or prescription drugs in the medicine cabinet."

You can't say: "Viagra was actually named for our pet parakeet."

On the needs of working families, you can say: "As a father of four wonderful kids, I know how important it is to set a good example, and I also know how hard it can be to cope with all the different crises that seem to come up practically every day."

You can't say: "Karenna used America's first disposable diaper."

On foreign affairs, you can say: "The post-Cold War world is a world of new opportunities, but also a world of critical new challenges."

You can't say: "I still remember hitting those beaches at Normandy."

On the influence of pop culture, you can say: "Government should never be a censor, but government can help protect our kids from the worst excesses of the entertainment industry."

You can't say: "I played lead guitar for the Beatles."

And on why you want to be president in the first place, you can say: "Like so many in my generation, I was inspired long ago by a vision of a 'New Frontier.'"

You can't say: "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine...."

Posted 9/28/00. There's no debate about this: "Rick's" is the place to go for the best in political satire!


Send Rick a note!Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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