So obvious

Just Another Democrat Plot

By Rick Horowitz

The way they do it is they start early, before people even know what hit them. They've got these camps where they teach all this stuff, training camps, and then they send them out like secret agents to get people into trouble. People like Mark Foley.

When I first heard about the Foley thing, I was stunned, just like everyone else -- even Rush didn't know what to say at first. But then the more I thought about it, and the more I heard about it, it was just so obvious: It was another Democrat dirty trick.

I mean, just look at the timing -- you think it's an accident this is all coming out now, five weeks before the election? They knew it was all going to be about fighting terrorism, and who can keep the country safe, and they know they lose if that's what it's about, so they had to find something else to be a distraction, and all of a sudden -

Like I said, it's just so obvious.

And the really disgusting thing is: They've been planning it for years. It's not just having these pages entice someone to do something he shouldn't do, like they were saying on Rush or Drudge or somewhere and which I'm sure is exactly what these "kids" did -- it happens way before that.

These Democrat training camps -- I hear they're in New York, and also right outside San Francisco, up in the mountains somewhere -- they have files on everyone on our side, and they go through all these files and decide who might be vulnerable, and who they want to get -- Foley, Hastert, whoever -- and then they start working on them.

You think Foley was an alcoholic before he got to Congress? Of course not. But he is now, his lawyer said -- and how do you think that happened? Those Democrats know that the best way to get somebody to do something stupid -- not that I'm saying Foley ever actually did anything -- is to get him good and loaded.

So you've got all these receptions all over Capitol Hill, and fundraisers every night. You think it would have been all that hard to smuggle a couple of them in there as waiters -- probably some of their illegal aliens -- and make sure Foley's glass was always full? He'd be so busy meeting and greeting, I'll bet he wouldn't even notice. That'd be the first step.

Then you make sure when you choose the pages each year, you don't just pick all nerdy government types with pocket protectors. You also pick a few with some muscles on them, even if they're only 16 or whatever. There's always at least one Democrat on the page committee, isn't there? So it wouldn't be just a coincidence -- they could keep a steady supply of them, year after year.

Then -- and this is really a key thing -- they put them into those little blue blazers. The blazers started when the Democrats ran the House, I'm sure I heard that on the radio somewhere. And at the time, everybody must have gone, "Well, let's dress 'em up a little, you don't want 'em running around Congress in jeans." But those Democrat leaders had it all figured out, even back then: There's nothing that drives certain guys crazy like teenagers in little blue blazers.

But they didn't even stop there -- they probably taught all these "kids" to say these really suggestive things around him, like "Good morning, Congressman" or even "Good night, Congressman." It would've taken a saint to resist.

And then when the complaints started coming in -- well, I don't know how they put the wax into Denny Hastert's ears, but I know they did it. It's exactly the kind of thing they'd do, to make sure he didn't hear anything or do anything. So now they've got a trapdoor under both of them, and it was just a question of when.

But they'd still need proof, right? Without a whole trail of e-mails, or some really creepy instant messages, it's just another case of "He said, he said." If there hadn't been an Internet so Foley could send messages back and forth all the time and there'd be a record of everything he sent, this whole thing would've gone nowhere. And who invented the Internet? Al Gore!

I rest my case.

Posted 10/6/06. Get the best in political satire right here at "Rick's"!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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