Mr. Bush's Extra War

By Rick Horowitz

Why I Could Never Be President, Reason No. 683: I embarrass too easily.

Don't get me wrong: I don't embarrass as easily as some people do. After all, I've been perfectly willing to be a walking, talking, sweat-drenched mud cake on every softball field I've ever set foot on -- no problem. I've worn leotards (plain and polka-dotted) to Halloween parties -- no problem. I've spoken to total strangers in foreign accents, and sung high harmonies at friends even before they asked me to. I've left restaurants with food stuck in my teeth. I've hiccupped. Repeatedly.

And I've survived all of it with at least a few shreds of self-respect intact.

So when it comes to worrying about looking foolish, I'm not as bad as some folks; I leave myself a bit of running room. At least I do when it comes to the little things. The big things? That's something else again. When it comes to the big things, I still worry that I'll mess it up. And I worry that I'll look absolutely silly doing it.

Unlike, for instance, our current president.

Say what you will about George Bush, but you have to give him this: He doesn't get embarrassed. Ever. He takes hits that would shrivel a lesser man, and he simply refuses to acknowledge them. It's really remarkable. I mean, if I took my country to war for a basketful of reasons that all turned out to be wrong, I wouldn't be able to show my face in public for weeks! If I'd started a war for all the wrong reasons, and more than a thousand Americans had already been killed, and thousands more injured, and who-knows-how-many Iraqis, and there was widespread chaos on the ground --

But George Bush is still out there every day on the campaign trail, still insisting that the facts are what he says they are, and not what nearly everyone else now knows they are.

Iraq had chemical and biological weapons? Not really -- not for years.

Iraq was developing nuclear weapons? Not really.

Iraq was a haven for al-Qaeda terrorists? Not really.

Iraq had something to do with 9/11? Not really.

Iraq was "a gathering threat" to the United States? Not really.

So the arguments the president used to justify invading Iraq when he did, and the way he did? The reason he couldn't possibly wait for the weapons inspectors to finish their inspections? Guess what?

Oops.

Except that the president doesn't say, "Oops." Ever. "Oops," you see, would send "the wrong message." And "I'm sorry -- I blew it"? Bite your tongue!

Or as an administration official recently told the New York Times, "Look, the decision's been made that the president just isn't going to get into an introspective mode of 'we could have done this better.'"

How nice for him.

Introspective mode is out. But attack mode? Attack mode is always in!

Which is why the president's strategists have just come up with a newer, even tougher stump speech for their guy to deliver; pounding away at John Kerry is a lot more satisfying than owning up to Mr. Bush's own mistakes, don't you think? Which is why the president is now delivering lines like these about his opponent: "He said terrorists are pouring across the Iraqi border, but also said that fighting those terrorists is a diversion from the war on terror."

This was apparently -- or so the president was eager to suggest -- another example of John Kerry contradicting himself. How can fighting in Iraq possibly be a "diversion" from the war on terror, the president wondered, when terrorists are pouring across the Iraqi border?

Simple, Simon: Because one of these things happened first, and then the other thing happened! Because the first thing caused the second thing!

Because -- this isn't all that difficult -- until we invaded Iraq, terrorists weren't pouring across the Iraqi border! The terrorists who posed the greatest threat to our safety were clustered way off in Afghanistan, and Pakistan; that's where the "war on terror" needed to be fought, and needed to be won. Instead, the president and his advisers got distracted from that war, and started preparing for another war, a different war. Sounds like a "diversion" to me. Doesn't it sound like a diversion to you?

Here's the bigger question, though: When the president reads lines like these, right out in public and with the cameras rolling, does he realize he's just trying to put one over on the voters, or does he actually believe there's logic in what he's saying?

If he knows he's just trying to fool people, and he keeps saying it, that would be distressing. But if he actually believes it --

That would really be embarrassing.

Posted 10/9/04. It's never embarrassing to tell your friends about "Rick's." They may even look at you with new respect!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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