 |
Gone, but not forgotten Root, Root, Root for the -- Never MindBy Rick Horowitz
This will take some getting used to. Not that you aren't the most flexible of people -- there's nothing you like more than the big and little unpredictabilities of life. Actually, there's one thing you like more than the big and little unpredictabilities of life: everything else. That's because you're a creature of routine. Of habit. Serendipity is for wimps. You find a pattern that works for you, you stick to it. And you expect it to stick to you, to hold up its end of the bargain. Not this time. It's barely the middle of October, and your team is already out of the playoffs. Serendipity-doo-dah -- this isn't supposed to happen! Your guys had another great year, and what they do when they have a great year is: They keep playing. The Division Series. The League Championship Series. The World Series. And what you do when they have a great year is: You keep watching. You've made your upstairs viewing nook ready for the duration, with pillows galore and snack foods at the ready. You've made no plans that can't be interrupted for three or four hours of intense -- but hardly random -- fandom. There's a whole wide world out there. (Or so you've been told.) So what? Let it wait until November; you've got more important things on your schedule. But not this time. Your guys were knocked off by somebody else's guys, sent packing by a bunch of nobodies who don't deserve to wipe the mud from your guys' spikes, a bunch of upstarts who just happened to pick that particular week to hit and field and pitch better than your guys did. Not that you're bitter. On the other hand, there's a reason they call it an "upset," right? So now what? Now that your best-laid plans have been scrambled, how do you adjust to your new reality? (You've already tried denial -- it didn't work.) Suddenly, you've got all this extra time on your hands and you're entirely free of distractions, though to call your years of loyal rootitude mere "distractions" doesn't begin to do them justice. But why even think about justice when some underdog can rise up out of nowhere and sink his rabid teeth into your guys' highly talented legs and -- You're speaking figuratively, of course. What you need to do is move on, put it all behind you. What you need to do, more to the point, is turn this heap of lemons into a vat of lemonade. That's the productive thing to do, and the mature thing to do -- take a bad, turn it into a good. So how about balancing your checkbook? You've been putting it off since sometime in the last century; wouldn't this be the perfect opportunity to have another go at it? Sure it would. And while you're at it, maybe you could also learn Japanese. Sarcasm will get you nowhere. On the other hand, the chance that you'll ever again get the numbers in your bank statement to line up with the numbers in your check register is...slim. Slimmer, for instance, than the chance that midway through your next totally futile attempt at it, you'll try to use the register to slit your wrists. Anyway, if you start thinking about money, you're sure to start thinking about how much money your guys made this year, and how they still weren't able to play worth a hoot when it really mattered. Music is nice -- you could always spend those extra hours listening to music. Of course, you'll have to beat back the tendency to yell "Play Ball!" at the end of every song, which could be a bit of a problem for the rest of the household. Then why not the great outdoors? Instead of being cooped up inside, a prisoner of the tube, you could revel in the wonders of nature, the changing colors of the season, all those luscious reds and golds and yellows and purples -- But no pinstripes. Posted 10/10/02.
You'll come out on top when you click to "Rick's" -- award-winning commentary
twice every week!
|
  |
Rick Horowitz
