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Carrying on All This, and So Much MoreBy Rick Horowitz
Dear Mr. Wanderlust: My wife and I have been planning a family trip to celebrate our older child's tenth birthday. (Our other child is almost 7.) Needless to say, the events of the past few weeks have been very upsetting to everybody, but we intend to go ahead with our vacation plans anyway. What has me really upset, though, is the new rule limiting each airline passenger to only one piece of carry-on luggage, plus one small item like a briefcase or a purse. I know they're concerned about security, but they don't seem to understand how inconvenient this rule will be for people like me. (I also travel a lot on business.) What kind of a country are we turning into when you can't even bring as many bags onto a plane as you want? Overstuffed in Omaha Dear Double-O: I certainly sympathize with your predicament. One of the great joys of air travel has always been the freedom to haul several enormous suitcases on board with you and wrestle them into the overhead bins while your fellow passengers cool their heels in the aisle waiting for a chance to get to their seats. (Or maybe they're doing the very same thing you're doing, and getting in someone else's way.) The time you saved bypassing the baggage carousel at your destination more than made up for the extra time it took to wrestle your bags out of the bins and stagger off the plane with a newly herniated disk. Those days are gone -- deal with it. We live in a different world now, and you need to adjust to the new reality. But don't despair: With a bit of advance planning and the proper frame of mind, you can carry more baggage with you than you ever did before. You'll want to start with the essentials, of course: something to wear, something to read, something to eat. All this tightened security at airports increases the chance of flight delays, or even outright cancellations, so be sure to have a change of underwear and socks as part of your basic carry-on equipment. A change of outer garments? Don't bother. In fact, wearing the same shirt and pants for a couple of days in a row will make it that much easier for little Jiminy and little Cricket to spot you in a crowded, chaotic airport. As for reading matter, I find that a hefty new hardcover bestseller is definitely the way to go. The length of the book offers you hour after hour of distraction -- a godsend in these nervous times. And while a hardcover takes up more space than a paperback does, you can also use it to bludgeon any deranged passenger who suddenly decides to rush the cockpit. And speaking of versatility, a few bags of pretzel sticks will make a perfect on-board snack for you and your family. They're finger food, which is especially good now that the airlines have stopped allowing silverware, or even plastic ware, in the cabin. And should the need arise, you can also use them to poke out a hijacker's eyeballs. Those are the basics -- food, clothing and reading/bleeding material. Add a cell phone for those emergency calls to other relatives or to law-enforcement authorities back on the ground. (There may be special roaming charges at 33,000 feet, but under the circumstances, who cares?) And by now, you're probably fretting that you're nearly out of room. Nonsense. Suspicion, for instance, can be easily layered on top of the other items in your bag. You'll have it close at hand, and it never wrinkles. For that matter, you'll find that fear -- raw, overwhelming, mouth-powdering fear -- will fit quite comfortably into any of your bag's small zippered pockets, and will still expand instantly to full size at your slightest twitch anytime during the flight. And finally, don't forget regret, the lingering sadness that things aren't as simple or as carefree as they used to be. You may think you're better off leaving regret at home, but I guarantee you, you've brought it along with you anyway; it's filling all the empty spaces. See what I mean? New rules or no new rules, you've got more baggage than you know what to do with. Happy travels! Posted 10/11/01.
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Rick Horowitz
