Crouching to Victory?

Cautious Hillary

By Rick Horowitz

[Around the big table in Chappaqua...]

"How's she doing?"

"She's doing great!'

"Great!"

"We're up by 30-something in the nationals, still up in New Hampshire, and now we're even up six in Iowa."

"Tremendous!"

"Getting our fundraising numbers out right ahead of Obama's Iraq speech was a great move."

"Sheer genius!"

"Took over the entire news cycle."

"Sheer genius!"

"That's why they pay us the big bucks. Can't let 'em get any traction -- especially in Iowa."

"Especially in Iowa."

"And she's not doing anything that'll hurt her in the general -- that's the main thing."

"Absolutely."

"Enough dove to make it through the caucuses, enough hawk to make it to Election Day.

"Perfect!"

"And for everything else? 'Nothing off the table,' 'All options open' -- you know the drill."

"Got it."

"And we're even catching some breaks. The Yankees are out of the playoffs, so Giuliani loses all that face time on TV."

"And the Cubs are out, too, so she doesn't have to choose."

"Thank God for that. They'll never let it drop, will they?"

"It plays into the whole 'calculating' thing."

"There is no 'calculating' thing! She takes the positions she takes because of her strong beliefs and her long experience!"

"And change."

"Right -- and she has the most experience to bring change."

"Exactly."

"Everybody got that? I don't want to hear 'calculating' again, understand?"

"Understand."

"Or 'cautious.'"

"Got it."

"Good. The rest of you?"

"Got it."

"Good."

"Do you think she could say she's always liked the Indians?"

"What?!"

"Lots of electoral votes in Ohio."

"She's locked in on this one -- let it go."

"It could really help us."

"Forget about it!"

"Fine."

"See if there's some minor-league team in Iowa. She hasn't said anything about her favorite minor-league teams, has she?"

"I'm on it."

"Just in case somebody asks her a question."

"I thought we weren't letting anybody ask her a question."

"If somebody slips through again -- that's all I meant. Otherwise, low profile."

"Low profile."

"No mistakes."

"No chances."

"Three months to Iowa."

"Three months."

"Don't screw it up."

Posted 10/11/07. For award-winning commentary, click to "Rick's"!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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©2007 Rick Horowitz. All rights reserved.