Faster Than a Speeding Bullet

By Rick Horowitz

"Damned inconvenient, if you want to know the truth."

"I think it's kind of sad. Kind of like a tragedy, you know?"

"A tragedy? Sure, if you want to call it that, I guess you could call it a tragedy. Why not?"

"I'm not saying I -- "

"Tragedy, sure -- everything's a tragedy. But it had to be right now? Would it have killed him to wait another four weeks?"

"A heart attack. That's what they said on the news, anyway -- a heart attack from the infections."

"It's just damned inconvenient, that's all I'm saying. We lost control of an entire news cycle. Dessert?"

"We've still got -- no, thanks -- time. They'll do a couple of days of tributes and such, and then they'll move off it. It'll get old sooner than you think."

"But we were already getting some traction with that 'nuisance' business from the interview. We already had the ad up, and they both had it in their speeches. What are we supposed to do now? Stuff it all back in the bottle?"

"We can always -- "

"If we'd known the guy was gonna go, maybe we could have held it a couple of days. Now, though -- we stay on 'nuisance,' it gets lost in the shuffle. We drop it for a few days and come back to it, they say 'old news.' Stuff like this, you only get one first shot."

"It's not as bad as -- "

"There's your tragedy. You want tragedy? There's your tragedy."

"Well, maybe we -- "

"Our approval's under 50 again, and they'll be all over this thing -- especially after he mentioned him in the debate. Says he's his friend on Friday, Sunday the guy is gone -- poof! So now it's gonna be stem-cell this, and stem-cell that, and -- "

"Married women."

"Married women. Single women. Anybody with a handicapped tag. It puts a face on it."

"I guess."

"It puts a real face on it."

"I guess. Awful timing -- for us, I mean."

"Yeah."

"So how do -- "

"Suspicious timing, if you ask me."

"Suspicious?"

"Absolutely. How many actors are there in the world? How many paralyzed people? And he just happens to mention this guy, and then the guy dies, so all of a sudden there's this big cause?"

"Well, they were talking about stem-cell -- in the debate, that is. And the guy's been huge on stem-cell, so -- wait a minute, you think he tipped him off?"

"I'm just saying, that's all. It's the timing. Afterward, it would've just looked like he's just making it up. But before? It sounds legit, plus he gets a bounce when it actually happens."

"So -- "

"Hold on, I'm trying to -- didn't the guy once talk about suicide?"

"Sure, but that was years ago, right after the accident. He hasn't -- "

"So he wouldn't kill himself just to give them an issue -- fine. So then what are you saying -- somebody had him killed?"

"No, I'm saying he just -- wait, you think somebody killed him?"

"I'm just -- "

"You think they killed him?!"

"Hey, you said it -- I didn't. But I wouldn't be so quick to rule it out. These kinds of things, you never know, you know?"

"But -- but that's terrible!"

"It could be worth a point or two. A race like this, a point or two could do it. Anyway, I'll bet you we're not the only ones wondering. In fact, I'll bet you by tonight, there'll be questions on some of the blogs."

"You really think they did it?"

"That's not for us to decide. I just think the American people are entitled to wonder about it -- and the sooner they start wondering, the better."

"Do you honestly -- I mean, exploiting a man's situation like that just to win an election? I can't even believe a campaign would sink so low!"

"I wouldn't be so sure."

"Really?"

"There's no predicting -- check, please? -- what desperate people will do."

Posted 10/12/04. Provoke your friends -- send them to "Rick's"!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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