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Top dog turns underdog Suddenly, Gore's Just a Wild and Crazy GuyBy Rick Horowitz "Fellow Democrats, fellow Americans, media jackals, friends: "It's a great pleasure for me to be here with you this evening -- what a wonderful event you've pulled together! Now, I know you heard me introduced just a minute ago as 'the Vice President of the United States,' and that's all well and good. But you know, I'd kind of like it if you called me what my wonderful family calls me: 'Underdog Al, the People's Pal!' Can you say that? Of course you can! Great! "Anyway, what I want to do this evening is talk a little bit about the issues that matter to an underdog like me, issues I've always cared passionately about. In fact, I care so passionately about these issues that I'm wearing a brightly colored shirt and a contrasting tie -- I think that says it all, don't you? "Now, you've probably noticed there's been a whole lot written lately about how competitive this race for the Democratic nomination has become in the past few weeks. I want you to know that I welcome that -- I really do! I welcome the fact that it's a close, hard-fought contest. That's good for the party, and it's good for America. "I welcome the fact that after running for the White House for a dozen years or so, and after serving two terms as Vice President for an administration that produced the greatest era of peace and prosperity this country has ever known, I'm fighting for my life for a nomination that all my advisers told me was mine for the taking. I welcome that! "I also welcome the fact that I've had to pack up and move my entire campaign operation hundreds of miles out of Washington to try to get things back on track. And I welcome the fact that I can't even pick up a newspaper these days without seeing some loyal campaign aide telling the world how I've made a botch of everything. "I welcome that! "You know, I find the whole experience totally liberating, which is why I'm now moving out from behind this podium here with one hand tucked casually into my pants pocket. Everyone knows that a man who has one hand tucked casually into his pants pocket is a liberated man, and that's exactly who I am, in addition to being an underdog, and someone who speaks very deliberately. "There are some people -- and I'm not naming names -- who like to pretend that they're liberated, too. They like to come across as kind of rumpled. They'll even wear silly-looking eyeglasses halfway down their noses when they give a speech. But I don't think you can fool the American people with trivial things like that. "The American people want substance. The American people want a candidate who can come out from behind a podium two or three times in every speech. A candidate who can tuck one hand casually into his pants pocket whenever he feels like it. "But that's not all they want, no sir. The American people also want a candidate who can make vigorous gestures with his hands! You see the way I'm gesticulating here? That's exactly what I'm talking about, and that's exactly the kind of passionate leadership America needs. Of course, not everyone sees it the way I do. In fact, when the going got tough for us Democrats in recent years, some people chose to walk away. Not me. I chose to stay and fight and wave my arms. "And I welcome the chance to wave my arms! As we head into the next millennium -- and I say this from the bottom of my script -- we have to be prepared to wave our arms whenever the need arises, no matter what it does to help an underdog like me shore up my poll numbers. "So in closing, let me issue this challenge to my good friend Bill Bradley, who's a disloyal Democrat and a quitter who flip-flops on the issues. Why don't we get together every week, from now right through New Hampshire, and see who's better at waving his arms? "How about it, Bill?" Posted 10/12/99.
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Rick Horowitz