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Is spinning winning? "Unfiltered" -- and Good for You, Too!By Rick Horowitz "Rrriinnnng! Rrriinn -- " "Hello?" "Good evening. Is this Alfred Abernathy, of 1717 Jughandle Drive?" "Yes it is, but whatever you're selling, I'm -- " "This is the White House calling. Please hold for the President of the United States." "The who?" "Thank you for holding -- I can put you through now." "But I didn't -- " "Hey, Alfred! This is George Bush -- how's it going? I hope I didn't interrupt your dinner or anything." "My God, it really is you! I just figured -- no, Mr. President, we finished dinner a little while ago. We were just sitting down to watch TV. I can't believe -- " "Well, that's kinda what I was calling about, Fred. Can I call you Fred?" "Fred'll be just fine, sir. Anything you want." "That's great, Fred. Anyway, I was calling to let you know personally that things are going really well for us in Iraq. We're doing lots of great things over there, making all sorts of progress." "That's nice, Mr. President, but why are you telling me this?" "All sorts of progress, Fred. But people like you aren't hearing about it, because the media's been getting in the way. They're what I like to call a 'filter,' Fred, and they've been filtering out all the good news from Iraq, so sometimes we just have to go over their heads." "I appreciate that, sir, but -- " "And that's why we're launching Operation It's Not As Bad As It Looks." "Operation -- " "To give the American people the full story of our mission in Iraq -- the successes as well as the failures. Not that there are any failures. That's just media spin." "I did read somewhere that you were pretty annoyed at the coverage, sir. Haven't you been giving all these interviews and things to the smaller guys to try to get around the networks?" "You bet we have. But you know, Fred, even some of those smaller folks keep focusing on the negative. Hey, wars have casualties -- where's the news in that? But do you ever hear about any of the positive stuff?" "Like those schools we've reopened?" "Exactly." "Or those markets that are up and running again?" "Exactly! Nobody's ever heard a word about that!" "Well, I must have heard about it." "Lucky guess. Anyway, we figured that if the networks and the big papers refuse to be balanced in their coverage, and if the smaller stations and the smaller papers won't be balanced either, the only thing to do is to go directly to the people." "But one at a time?!" "If that's what it takes. I'm partway through the 'A's already, and Condi and Don say they'll take some of the alphabet, too. Maybe even Dick, if he's not too busy." "And by balanced coverage, Mr. President, you mean...?" "Like during the war, and right after. Remember how once the statue came down, and I landed on that aircraft carrier in my flight suit?" "Of course I do." "And they had all these cameras over here on my left, and all these other cameras over here on my right?" "Sure, but -- " "Now, that's balanced!" Posted 10/16/03.
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Rick Horowitz
