The death of Matthew Shepard

Just Asking for It

By Rick Horowitz

Embarrassed.

Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? He embarrassed you. That explains everything.

Assuming, of course, you did what they say you did -- you and your good friend Russ. The evidence is looking pretty strong that you did what they say you did, not to mention your girlfriend telling the newspapers that you pretty much admitted the whole thing to her right after it happened. So for the moment at least, let's assume, OK?

The authorities say you beat Matthew Shepard to death -- you and your good friend Russ. They say you lured him out of a bar and into a pickup truck. They say you pistol-whipped him as you drove him to an isolated part of town. Then, they say, you tied him to a ranch fence, and while he begged for his life, you bashed in his skull with the butt end of a .357 Magnum and left him to die -- which is just what he did a few days later.

That's what they say, anyway.

And I'll tell you, when I first read the stories, I couldn't figure out what would make somebody do such a cruel and violent thing to somebody else. But then I read your girlfriend's version of your version of the story, and it all started to make sense.

Matthew Shepard embarrassed you, she says.

There you were, you and Russ, out for a good time one night at the Fireside Bar. Matthew Shepard is there, too, and you get to talking to him, she says. I'm not exactly sure why you're talking to him, but eventually, he tells you he's gay. You decide -- this is still your girlfriend's version -- to take him out and rob him. At some point, you even tell him that you're gay -- not because you are, of course, but just as a clever way of tricking him into leaving the bar with you.

And at some point, your girlfriend says -- and it's not totally clear whether this is before or after you tell him you're gay, before or after you decide to rob him -- Matthew Shepard makes a pass at you. Big mistake.

"He embarrassed him and Russ in front of all their friends and everybody at the Fireside" -- that's the way your girlfriend put it.

"Aaron McKinney doesn't like to be embarrassed in front of other people" -- that's the way the newspaper put it, after they talked to your girlfriend and your father.

I understand completely -- somebody makes an unwelcome pass at you, naturally you're upset. In fact, I'll bet you'd have felt exactly the same way if it had been some real loser of a girl flirting with you instead of Matthew Shepard supposedly doing it. If some real loser of a girl, someone you weren't the slightest bit interested in, had flirted with you, you wouldn't have just blown her off, told her "You're not my type" and walked away. You'd have taken her outside and pistol-whipped her just the way they say you did Matthew Shepard, am I right?

Or maybe this was a little bit different. After all, some people in the bar already knew that Matthew Shepard was gay; it wasn't anything he kept really secret. But now maybe those people would think you were gay, too -- really gay, I mean, and not just something you tell people to get them out where you can rob them.

Talk about embarrassing! Your reputation would be at stake -- you'd have to do something!

So tell me: If you did what they say you did, did it make you feel better about things? If you and your good friend Russ really did put that two-inch dent in Matthew Shepard's skull, really did beat him and beat him until his brain was pudding, did it give you a sense of satisfaction?

I mean, he was only 5'2" and 105 pounds, but still, I'll bet it could be gratifying in its own way, and maybe even a great bonding experience for you and Russ, two close friends sharing an adventure. Anyhow, it would be the perfect way to prove that whatever those people in the bar might have thought, you're nothing at all like Matthew Shepard. You're a man's man.

Or am I embarrassing you?

Posted 10/16/98. Fresh stuff right here twice weekly!