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Candidate lite The Obvious ChildBy Rick Horowitz
Down at Georgie's House of Cliches, the hits just keep on coming! Two minutes from now, the Vice President of the United States is going to tell the man who asked the question -- and millions of viewers coast to coast -- why he's the candidate you'd rather have in command during a crisis in the Middle East. He's going to talk about his service in the Army during the war in Vietnam. He's going to talk about his years on the House Intelligence Committee and the Senate Armed Services Committee, working on anti-terrorism and nuclear-arms control and strategic-weapons modernization. He'll mention his vote in support of America's involvement in the Persian Gulf War. He'll mention the years he's served, as Vice President, on the National Security Council. And Georgie? When his turn comes, two minutes from now, what will Georgie say? What would he bring to the task of untangling one of the world's knottiest problems? "I've been a leader," he'll say. "I've been a person that has to set a clear vision and convince people to follow," he'll say. "I've got a strategy for the Middle East," he'll say -- though he'll never quite spell out what it is. "Our nation needs to be credible and strong," he'll say. "When we say we're somebody's friend, everybody's got to believe it." "The next leader needs to be patient," he'll say. "We can't dictate the terms of peace." "Can't worry about polls or focus groups." "Got to have a clear vision." He'll say each of these things, and others equally airy, with a serious expression on his face. He'll pause frequently as he says these things, as if to emphasize just how serious he is. (Or to remember his lines. Or to fill his two minutes.) He'll offer up these nuggets as if he really believes he's saying things that are profound, rather than things he could just as well be saying, most of them, if he were running for school board or heading up the Little League bake sale. Is that all there is? Does he even notice? But that was only Favorite Moment No. 2 in Debate No. 3. Favorite Moment No. 1 was this oldie but goodie from the House of Cliches: "I trust people. I don't trust the federal government." He's been saying essentially the same thing for weeks, Georgie has. His opponent, he makes clear, is a government guy, a Washington guy, with Washington programs and Washington taxes and Washington rules and regs and strings. Not Georgie, though. Georgie trusts "people." And my curiosity gets the better of me. Where, I wonder, do they find the androids who run the federal government? They have to be androids, don't they? They can't be people; Georgie's made that perfectly clear over and over again. If they were people, Georgie wouldn't be nearly as hard on them. So where do they find them? Or if they are people -- I wonder about this, too -- how exactly did they go bad? Georgie doesn't have a problem with state government or local government, he says; he trusts them just fine. It's the federal government he doesn't trust. I've always figured that some of the people who work in the federal government that Georgie doesn't trust used to work in the state or local governments he does trust. So what turned them from honest, hardworking, compassionate public servants to conniving, interfering, obnoxious Washington bureaucrats? Was there something in the air as they crossed the Potomac? Some evil laser ray from the top of the Washington Monument? I'd love to find out. And here's the thing I wonder most of all: Did Georgie distrust the federal government just as much when Daddy was in charge of it? Posted 10/18/00.
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Rick Horowitz