MORE good stuff

Looking for the hits you missed? Try Recent Rick for tons o' fun.

VINTAGE rick

It was nearly unimaginable back then: Israelis and Palestinians shaking hands on the White House lawn. It's even harder to imagine now. Remember September of '93 in this Vintage Rick!

NEW seasonal fave

Why do they call it "traveling" if you're standing still? And can't anyone do something about it? Get moving with this Seasonal Fave!

Off the hook?

Blackwater: We May Not Supervise, But We Sure Can Immunize

By Rick Horowitz

The Scene: The State Department
The Time: The present
The Situation: Troublesome

"...and that pass protection -- could you believe that?"

"Pretty amazing."

"It was just astonishing, that's what it was! Just when you think they can't possibly keep it up -- "

"Excuse me, Madam Secretary."

"Come on in, Jake. We were just finishing our comprehensive review."

"The NFL -- I know. I don't mean to interrupt you, ma'am, but we may have a bit of a problem."

"It's not really a problem, Jake. Nobody beats the Patriots."

"I'm not talking about the Redskins, ma'am."

"You're not?"

"I'm talking about Blackwater."

"It's being handled, Jake. You've got the transcript from the hearing, don't you? I told them that the supervision wasn't all that I'd like it to be."

"I did see that."

"And that moving forward, of course we'll do a better job of it -- assuming they don't hand the whole thing over to Bob Gates."

"I understand."

"Like they've been so perfect over at Defense! Sometimes it almost makes me want to scream -- if I weren't in such perfect control of myself at all times, I mean."

"Which you are, of course."

"Of course. Anyway, there's no problem."

"Actually, ma'am, there still is. It's about Blackwater, but it's not about your testimony. It's about immunity."

"I'm still perfectly immune, Jake. In fact, I was telling my husb -- telling the president exactly that just yesterday."

"I don't mean your immunity, ma'am -- I mean Blackwater's immunity. Apparently we've given it to them."

"That's ridiculous. That is, they're immune from Iraqi prosecution, naturally -- "

"Naturally."

"But once our own investigations are complete, we will be insisting on appropriate accountability. The president demands no less."

"That's kind of the problem, ma'am. With our Diplomatic Security people. It seems our investigators gave the Blackwater guards immunity for their testimony -- that's going to make it a lot harder to make any cases that'll hold up."

"Do they have that authority? To give immunity?"

"Apparently not. But once they've offered it, and the guards start talking..."

"I don't believe this."

"It's only 'limited-use immunity,' but still..."

"I don't believe this!"

"The FBI isn't going to be very happy. We may want to -- "

"Don't I have enough on my plate already? You think this is all so easy? You think it's easy keeping Cheney from starting a new war every time I turn my back? You think it's easy having to tell Congress we'll do better? I'm Condoleezza Rice! I never have to tell anyone I'll do better! And now I'm supposed to -- "

"Easy, ma'am. I'm sure we can figure something out."

"Does Gates know?"

"If he doesn't yet, he -- "

"Excuse me, Madam Secretary -- I've got Secretary Gates on line one. He says it's urgent."

"He knows."

"He knows. Maybe if you just told him you're -- "

"Must. Regain. Control."

" -- looking into it?"

"Must. Not. Show. Concern."

"And you'll get back to him?"

"Must. Never. Show. Concern."

"I'm sure he'll understand."