They were only trying to help.

Monica and Bill: Giving Till It Hurts

By Rick Horowitz

There they were, 37 strong, with their best TV manners and their hair all combed. No big surprise -- you want to behave yourselves when you've got a president's fate in your hands and a large chunk of history resting on your shoulders.

And then, having shown the American people that a congressional committee can actually act like grownups in public, that they can be every bit as reasonable and responsible and fair-minded as the next politician, they sat up (mostly) straight and tall and "aye"d and "no"d exactly the way their leaders wanted them to -- Republicans over here, Democrats over here. They gave it the old college try. They gave it the old party-line spin.

And that's OK. After all, giving is what this whole thing is about.

I hadn't realized that giving is what this whole thing is about. Fool that I am, I'd thought the entire Monica mess was about taking -- taking nasty pleasures on the sly, taking liberties with the truth and the mother tongue. That sort of thing.

But I see now I was wrong. The principal players in this endless little psychodrama weren't looking to satisfy their own selfish cravings -- not at all. Monica and Bill were looking out for others.

How do I know? The transcripts tell me so.

Let the experts yawn at the latest document dump from the House of Starr. Nothing big? Nothing new? Au contraire! Here's Ms. L. now, chatting away with her good friend Ms. T. about keeping company with the Big Creep. She knows this is going to sound really hokey, but...

"I know this is going to sound really hokey, but to me a little bit of -- it's for the country. Every President, every [word deleted] President we have ever had has always had lovers because the pressure of the job is too much. Too much. Too much to always rely on your wife, with whom you have too much baggage -- which you inevitably will if you got to that point. And I think it's bad for the country."

While Monica (according to Monica, at least) was good for the country. She saw her duty -- presidential safety valve -- and she did it. (And did it. And...) Kind of makes you want to hum a little John Philip Sousa, doesn't it?

But don't start thinking that Monica was the only one in the giving business. The object of her...affections was a thoroughly philanthropic sort, too, and we have this from no less an authority than Hillary Rodham Clinton herself -- at least as reported to the grand jury by Sidney Blumenthal, White House adviser and Friend of Hill.

This was back in January, when the first word of Oval Office hanky-panky had started oozing into public view. Her Royal Spouseship, Blumenthal later testified, told him she was "distressed that the President was being attacked, in her view, for political motives, for his ministry of a troubled person."

"The First Lady said" -- this is still Blumenthal -- "he had done this dozens if not hundreds of times with people. The President had come from a broken home and this was very hard to prevent him from trying to minister to these troubled people."

Minister? Minister?

That very same day, Blumenthal testified, he gave the President an account of his chat with the little woman. He told the prez he admired his efforts to tend to the emotionally needy, but he also raised a tiny warning flag: "You're President and these troubled people can get you into incredible messes." He even went so far as to urge that the boss cut himself off from people like Monica Lewinsky.

And the presidential response, according to Blumenthal? "It's difficult for me to do that, given how I am. I want to help people."

(Hundreds of times?)

Is there no end to this man's generosity?

Posted 10/6/98. Fresh stuff right here twice weekly!

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