Did we say that?

Not a Banner Year for Bush

By Rick Horowitz

Journey with us now to a rarely visited corner of our nation's capital. In these half-dozen small but well-appointed rooms a stone's throw from the White House, a handful of government employees labor with little renown, but enormous influence. They are, of course, the brave men and women of the Office of Presidential Set Design. And they've had better weeks.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Have a seat, Jenkins. Welcome back -- how was your vacation?"

"Well, sir, it -- "

"That's nice. We've got a situation. A problem, really."

"Nothing a fresh supply of background messages can't solve, right?"

"I'm not so sure. Actually, the problem has to do with background messages. Not the subliminal ones, though -- one of the others. Do you remember that giant banner we did for the carrier shot back in May?"

"'Mission Accomplished'? Of course I remember it! It's gonna be the best visual in the whole campaign! They want extra copies or something?"

"Not exactly. They pretty much want it to disappear."

"What?!"

"The White House is walking away from it. Big-time. The president got a question at his news conference -- were you premature standing on the Abraham Lincoln declaring victory? You know, with the fighting still going on and all, were you premature?"

"And the president said..."

"What he always says lately: that he warned everyone that there was still work to do, that it wasn't going to be easy -- you know the drill."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is he didn't stop there. He went on about how 'of course' the banner was put up by the crew of the Abraham Lincoln, and how he knows somehow it was attributed to some 'ingenious advance man,' but that 'they weren't that ingenious.'"

"So he said the whole thing was the crew's doing?"

"Not exactly. But that was certainly the implication. So then Scott McClellan had to come out afterward and clean it up. He said that the banner was 'suggested' by people on the ship -- he didn't say who, or what they suggested the message should be -- but that they asked us to help with production -- "

"Which we did."

"Which we did. And he said that they put it up."

"Of course they put it up! There wasn't any way I was climbing up one of those...those...what do they call those tall things on aircraft carriers?"

"'Tall things.'"

"Right. So they put it up. But did McClellan say we told them where to put it up?"

"Not exactly. That was the next day. The guy just got hammered with questions, and they kind of dragged it out of him -- he admitted that the advance people 'work closely' with the on-site people whenever the president's involved."

"Big surprise! Did they think the thing wound up perfectly positioned right over his shoulder by accident?"

"I don't know what they thought. But they kept pounding him about wasn't it misleading, suggesting back in May with the banner that the entire mission's been accomplished -- meaning Iraq -- and now six months later, when things are still really messy, suddenly saying, 'Well, it wasn't our idea!' and 'They put it up!' and 'It was only talking about the Abraham Lincoln's mission!'"

"And he denied it?"

"Of course he denied it! What's he supposed to say -- 'We're willing to take the credit when things look good, but when things go bad we lay it off on some poor sailors'?"

"I'm not sure that'll fit on a banner."

"Not exactly."

Posted 11/1/03. Fit "Rick's" into your list of favorite sites -- it's exactly what you need to brighten up your week!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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