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And in This Corner -- the Governor! The Name of the Game is WinningBy Rick Horowitz It's absolutely stunning. It's positively unbelievable. It's thoroughly and undeniably flabbergasting. The Democrats' surge? The Republicans' flop? Don't be silly -- we're talking about Election '98's big news. We're talking about Jesse. That's Jesse "The Body" Ventura, of course -- pro wrestler turned long-shot candidate turned governor-elect of the great state of Minnesota. ("Land of 10,000 Jokes.") There's nothing like winning a three-way race, a perfect outsider taking on two guys who do this sort of thing (politics, not wrestling) for a living and whipping them good, to grab people's attention. From now on, says Jesse, he wants to be called "The Mind." Whatever. Me? I feel a trend coming on. But not the one you think is coming on. Politicians across this great and flabby land of ours are not suddenly going to start firming up their pecs, tightening their abs, buffing their glutes. Bodybuilding takes work. But name-building? That's easy. Meet Orrin ("The Necktie") Hatch. Say hi to Newt ("Big Gut") Gingrich. Isn't that Jeb ("Mama's Boy") Bush over there in the corner, talking to Gray ("The Stimulator") Davis? And doesn't Bill ("Thong Man") Clinton look sharp this morning? Any day now, boys and girls; mark my words. Campaign loot can get you air time. Position papers can get you respect. But a hot name? A hot name can make it happen! "The Body" proved it. Now watch the rest of the flock try to capture the magic for themselves. Me? I also feel a trend running out. Does the name James Earl Carter ring a bell? Or is the clang a little louder if we call him Jimmy? Once upon a time, you'll recall, there was another governor, a governor from Georgia. He didn't want anyone to call him by his formal, given name. He wanted everyone to call him by his casual, familiar name. The sophisticated types thought it was silly, a grown man with a name like Jimmy running an entire state, let alone eventually running for the White House. Then he won. And before you could say "Hail to the Chief," the land was filled with Daves and Dicks and Dans and Dons, with Phils and Bills, with Jims and Tims. Where Roberts once stood, Bobs filled the floor. And some Joes by any other name -- well, they wouldn't smell nearly as sweet. In fact, they might come across as uppity, a little too full of themselves. But not any of these guys, heaven forbid! (Political females were something else again, naturally; they had enough trouble being taken seriously to begin with, and the last thing most them wanted was to be stuck with a cutesy, bouncy little-girl's name.) These were ordinary, salt-of-the-earth guys, every last truncated one of them -- even the millionaires. They were just like the rest of us, that's what they wanted us to know. What they wanted us to do was vote for them. But they couldn't ride that horse forever. After all, if nearly every candidate had a just-folks name, then nobody had an edge. They were flummoxed. They were stumped. Until "The Body" came along and showed them the way. Forget about blending in. Concentrate on standing out. That's Jesse Ventura's message. It's the dawn of a new day. Spandex is optional. Posted
11/6/98. Fresh stuff right here twice
weekly!
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