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Reining in Cheney Who's in Charge Here?By Rick Horowitz
Dear Dick: When the history books get around to our administration, they'll know what I know -- that you're the most important vice president any president has ever had. I couldn't ask for anyone more dedicated, or more willing to do whatever it takes to keep America strong and safe in a really dangerous world. Everything we accomplish as President and Vice, you'll have lots to do with it. Now that we're almost a year into our second term, though, it's only natural that the duties and relationships would "evolve," or as some of our friends might say, get "intelligently redesigned"! That's why I'm writing you this note, to let you know I think it's time for some of that to happen with our relationship. I know you've been happy to serve as my lightning rod, and to take some of the hits from the other side that would normally land on the president (me) himself. Lately, though, it's starting to look like you're creating the lightning! The whole torture policy thing is the biggest one, but it's not the only one, and then I have to spend my time defending you, instead of the other way around. So I really need you to lower your profile for a while and let me -- • • • Dear Dick: When the history books get around to our administration, they'll know what I know -- that you're the most important vice president any president has ever had. I couldn't ask for anyone more dedicated, or more willing to do whatever it takes to keep us strong. I'm writing because I'm worried that you might be taking on more of our battles than you need to. It's not that I don't appreciate it -- I certainly do! -- but I think it's important for people to see that their commander in chief is the one in command. I recently found out that you have more than a dozen people working in your own policy shop, when most vice presidents have gotten along with just a handful. I'm sure they're all good people, but if we're ever going to balance the budget, we have to look for savings wherever we -- • • • Dear Dick: You're the most important vice president any president has ever had, and I couldn't ask for anyone more dedicated. I know you were as upset as I was when Scooter was indicted. Even though we both know that he didn't do anything wrong, it's still a bad break for you to be without your top guy at such a crucial time. So I'm wondering if this would be a good time to help you out by taking a few issues off your plate. I feel a lot more confident now than when we first started. And after all, I was the one they elected president. (Ha! Ha!) So maybe -- • • • Dear Dick: Neither one of us cares a hoot about opinion polls, but did you happen to notice the one the other day, where you got that 19 percent approval rating? 19 percent?!! It's like I always tell Laura, "Dick will do anything to make me look good!" I'm sure it's only a temporary thing (for both of us), but maybe you should think about keeping it kind of low-key for a while, at least until this all blows over. Have you considered another trip to your "undisclosed location"? I'll bet it's looking pretty good right about -- • • • Dear Dick: There can only be one president at a time, and according to the Constitution, that one is me, so I really need you to back off. Everybody thinks you're totally out of control, and that I don't have enough guts to rein you in and show you who's the boss. Well, they're wrong, because starting right now, I order you to -- • • • Dear Dick: Promise you won't be mad at me, but -- • • • Dear Dick: Just a little note to tell you what a fantastic job you're doing. Keep it up!!! Posted 11/8/05. For
the best view behind the curtain, click to "Rick's"! (And spread the
word!)
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Rick Horowitz
