A thousand points -- no light

Do Not Adjust Your Set

By Rick Horowitz

The president is in the dark. And he's not the only one.

The president's chief of staff is in the dark. So is his press secretary. So is his head speechwriter. So are his political advisers. His domestic-policy folks. And don't even get me started on his national-security team; those people are totally in the dark!

I tell you, it's a wonder the Bartlet administration can get anything accomp --

That's right: the Bartlet administration. President Josiah Bartlet. Who else would I be talking about?

See, that's the problem with some people -- they're fixated on reality. I'm sure the Bush administration has its share of dim bulbs, too. But most of them are sitting behind desks, not on top of them. They're certainly not hanging from the ceiling.

I'm talking about our alternate president, and our alternate administration. The 30-watt administration.

I'm talking about "The West Wing."

And here's what I'm trying to figure out: Can the White House really be a beacon of freedom for the world when they've got all the lights turned off?

I don't mean to be picky or anything. I think "The West Wing" is a fine, fine show, and I watch it whenever I can. The problem is, I can't. Watch it, that is. I can listen to it. I can imagine what Jed and Abbey and the gang are doing while they're saying whatever it is they're saying. But watch it? It's too dark to watch it!

At first I thought it was me. I thought my eyes were going bad, some rods-and-cones thing. Toby would drop into Leo's office for a strategy session, or C.J. would pop in on Josh, and it was like they were all living in caves. Wall-to-wall, top-to-bottom murky. Dingy. Gloomy.

Balance the budget? I'm surprised they could find the budget.

Then something serious would go wrong halfway around the world, and the president would scoot down to the Situation Room for a sit-down with his military people. At least they said they were his military people. As dark as it was, they could have been his gardener and his pastry chef. Besides, should you really be picking military targets when you can't even see the maps?

I thought it was me. But then they'd break for commercials, and the world was right again -- which is to say, the world was light again. For two glorious minutes, I could see everything they were trying to sell me. (I didn't want any of it, but I could see it.) Then the commercials would be over, and the ads for all the other shows, and suddenly we'd be back in the shadows.

It didn't used to be this way. When I first started watching "The West Wing," however long ago that was, you could actually -- I'm almost sure of this -- see what was happening. I should find a rerun somewhere, or a DVD, just to be positive. But I know what I know: Once upon a time, "The West Wing" was visible, and now it's not. The past always looks brighter, but this is ridiculous.

Is it some kind of post-9/11 effect? The world's a scarier place, so they're keeping everyone in the dark to build up the tension? I feel the tension, all right -- I'm worried that some Cabinet secretary will walk into a cabinet.

Are they afraid of giving away state secrets? How the offices are connected? Where the briefing books are kept? That can't be the problem; I'm sure the producers and the set designers have already gotten the proper authorities to approve every last item that ever appears on the screen.

So why all the darkness? I have a theory. (You knew I'd have a theory.)

I don't blame the CIA for pulling down the shades. I don't blame the DOD. I don't blame the NSC or the DOE or the FBI.

I blame "CSI."

"CSI," television's first Blue-Light Special. The show that says to the world, "Solving mysterious crimes is interesting, but solving mysterious crimes under weird lighting is really cool!"

"CSI" is a hit. (Or two. Or three.) Hits set trends. And not even the alternate Leader of the Free World is immune. If creepy illumination means more viewers, then cue the creepy illumination. Who cares if some of us are left in the dark? A president needs what a president needs.

Call it the lack-of-vision thing.

Posted 11/11/04. Rick will keep the light on for you -- get award-winning insights right here twice every week!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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