Powell departs

It's Been Swell

By Rick Horowitz

"'...would be the cost of doing nothing? What would be the cost of doing nothing?' OK, that's Social Security -- what else?"

"Those should cover it for now, Mr. President. And the secretary of state is here to see you -- should I send him in?"

"Absolutely! There's nothin' I enjoy more than -- thanks, Marcia -- than spendin' some quality time with my good -- Colin! C'mon in, general! How're you doin' this morning?"

"Fine, Mr. President. And you?"

"Absolutely fine! It's a beautiful day, I've got a wonderful mandate, democracy's on the march all around the world -- why shouldn't I feel fine?"

"I'm glad to hear it, sir. I take it you've gotten my letter?"

"We'll probably hold it a couple days, put it out with some of the others. That OK with you?"

"Whatever you think is best, sir -- you're the president."

"I am, aren't I?"

"You are, sir. And I'm sure your second term will be every bit as historic as your first one has been. It just seemed like an appropriate moment for me to move on."

"Well, Colin, I hardly know what to say. You're sure I can't -- ?"

"If I may, sir, let me also say what a great honor it's been to serve the country once again, and what a personal privilege it's been to work with you for these past four years."

"Right back at ya. We've really gotten a lot ac -- "

"Wuss."

" -- complished, haven't we? Everything from Afghanistan to -- "

"Wuss."

" -- AIDS to trying to pull millions of people out of pottery."

"Poverty."

"That's what I said. And all of that really just scratches -- "

"Wuss!"

" -- the surface."

"Mr. President, did you hear that noise? That kind of...whistling sound?"

"I'll bet they're working on the pipes again. This old place, it's a wonder they still have running -- "

"Weenie."

" -- water."

"I don't mean to contradict you, sir -- "

"Hey, it wouldn't be the first time."

" -- but it sounds more like it's from the air ducts. And it sounds almost...human."

"Don't worry about it. We'll call maintenance, they'll get it fixed. Now, where were we?"

"My resignation."

"Right! Your resignation. Well, I'll certainly be -- "

"Woodward's pet!"

" -- sorry to see you go. You've been a wise counselor, and a fine gentleman."

"It's Rumsfeld, sir. In the air duct. I knew I recognized the voice!"

"Now, what in the world would -- well, maybe it is Rumsfeld. I'll bet he's just havin' a little fun with you! You know what a great sense of humor Rummy has."

"I'm sure he does, sir, but -- "

"Leaker, leaker, secret speaker!"

"And that's Cheney!"

"And Dick with all his practical jokes. What a kidder!"

"With respect, sir, I think encouraging this kind of behavior sends the wrong message to -- "

"Now, hold your horses, general! Who said anything about encouraging it?"

"Well, sir, I think it's pretty -- "

"Mama's boy!"

" -- obvious you're letting them get away with anything they want. That's no way for a leader to act, especially if you're trying to -- "

"OK, OK! Enough, you guys -- wherever you are, now cut it out, you hear me? Just cut it out! We're tryin' to have a serious conversation down here. There. Better?"

"Much better -- thank you, sir. Anyway, we've pretty much covered everything. And I'll be happy to stay on until my successor is confirmed."

"Sounds good to me. Well, buddy, thanks again for all you've done -- here's Marcia to show you out -- and we'll talk plenty before you hit the road, OK? Bye."

"Very good, sir. Bye."

"Loser."

Posted 11/16/04. Keep up with all the ins and outs -- click to "Rick's" for the very best in commentary!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

Search the Web Search Rick's!