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Calling Mr. Fix-It

By Rick Horowitz

[Bush in trouble, Baker to the rescue -- where have we heard that before? Hint: It was another Bush. (But the same Baker.) Rick Horowitz is off in search of The Great Chads of Europe; he's left behind this favorite from the '92 campaign.]

It's a movie -- that's the only way to look at it, this whole George Bush/Jim Baker campaign fandango. But not your big-screen, Technicolor, cavalry-to-the-rescue movie; that's too easy.

This one's in black and white, the kind of gritty little drama they used to turn out by the carload. "Thicker Than Water," they can call it, or maybe "No Getting Out."

The opening shot is pleasant enough; that's allowed for opening shots. The camera pans down a busy city street, pauses in front of a small but cheerful little storefront. "Baker's Repair Shop," says the sign in the window. We move inside, to a small but cheerful little counter and a happy knot of customers.

"Here you are, Yitzhak," the man behind the counter is saying. "It just needed some tubes replaced."

"You make miracles, Mr. Baker," his customer says. "How much I am owing you?"

"This one's on me, Yitzhak. Just remember to share it with Hosni, OK?"

Yitzhak looks over at his companion and smiles shyly. Hosni returns the smile, and they hoist the radio onto their shoulders and head for the door.

"OK." Baker wipes his hands on an apron. "What else do we have?"

"Someone to see you, boss." Cut to Baker's face -- did something flicker there in his eyes? The music comes up hard and foreboding as he looks across the shop: a man in the corner, in a trench coat and fedora. His face is in the shadows.

"Nice place you've got here, Jimbo," the man says.

"Good to see you, Georgie," Baker replies, crossing the room, his smile tight. "How're you doin'?"

"Not so good, Jimbo. Not so good. That's what I come to talk about."

"Not here," Baker whispers. "I can't -- " He catches his assistant's eye. "Handle things for a minute, will you?" He hangs up his apron, leads his visitor out a side door. Cut to the alley -- trash cans in the background, stripes of darkness and light as the sun fights through the fire escapes.

"It's been a while, hasn't it, Jimbo? Glad to see you're doing so well."

"You didn't come here just to tell me that, did you?"

Georgie takes a long puff on his cigarette, tosses it aside.

"You always were the clever one, weren't ya? 'That Baker,' everybody said, 'he's the real brains of the operation.'"

"It wasn't that way, Georgie. It was just -- "

"I need you to do a job for me." Close-up of Baker's face, then Georgie's, then Baker's again.

"I've gone straight, Georgie. I'm through with all that stuff."

"Just one last job, Jimbo -- that's all I'm asking. I've got something going I just can't get the engine started. You could fix me up in nothing flat, just like last time."

"And you said last time would be the last time, didn't you? Why can't somebody else do it?"

"Losers, Jimbo. All losers. They don't know me the way you do." Now Baker pulls a cigarette from his pocket, lights it, take a puff. Close-up of Georgie's face as the smoke drifts past -- a hint of desperation there, then something hardens. "This pretty little place of yours," he says. "Who set it up for you?"

"You did, Georgie."

"And those pinstriped suits? How'd ya get those?"

"You, Georgie."

"And if I go down, Jimbo, who goes down with me?" The sudden bleat of a car horn, and a flock of pigeons takes flight. Cut back to Baker.

"What's the job?"

"I knew you'd come through! Guys like us, Jimbo, it's in the blood."

"I didn't say yes. I'm just asking -- "

"Nothing big, like I said -- just get my engine up and running. Oh, and if you could make the wheels come off a certain bus, that'd be good, too."

"The wheels? But you said -- "

"Just enough to put 'em in the ditch awhile. C'mon, Jimbo, you and me -- it'll be like the old days." Close-up of Baker. His eyes are dull, his shoulders sag.

"I'll live to regret this."

Music up, and the camera pulls back -- two men, then the alley, then buildings and pigeons and sky.

Pretty good so far? And the movie's just starting.

Posted 11/20/00. Find the good stuff right here -- and tell your friends!


Send Rick a note!Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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