Players, with all that stuffing

Thanksgiving in Baseball Land

By Rick Horowitz

It's a time for gathering together, for family and friends, for reminiscing. So let's look back -- but not all that far back -- to some wonderful Thanksgivings around Major League Baseball's holiday table...

Thanksgiving, 1998:

"Golly, Bud, you sure know how to put on a potluck-- what a great spread!"

"Well, we're just glad all of you could be with us. It kinda makes the holidays extra spe -- "

"Whoa! Get a load of the turkey Mark and Sammy brought!"

"Amazing!"

"Incredible! Will you look at the size of that thing? It's gotta be -- what, 30 pounds if it's an ounce! How'd you guys ever find one that big?"

"We just did a lot of hard shopping, right, Sammy?"

"Yes. We shop very, very long time. We want only the very best turkey for our friends."

"Well, you guys did a great job, didn't they, Bud?"

"I'll say! I've never seen a turkey that big! Who wants the green-bean casserole?"

* * *

Thanksgiving, 2001:

"Golly, Bud, you've done it again! This has to be your best dinner yet, and with so many people -- I don't know how you fit 'em all in!"

"The more, the merrier, fellas -- that's the way I look at it."

"Well, there's nothing like a great crowd to keep things lively and -- oh my God! Barry, is that a turkey?"

"It's Thanksgiving, isn't it? What else would it be?"

"That's not what I -- I'm just saying it's enormous! What's it weigh?"

"It's 73 pounds, give or take. You'd better appreciate it -- it's bigger than anything Mark and Sammy ever brought over."

"It certainly is!"

"And not a bit of fat on it -- I made sure of that. You want to feed all these folks, I figured we'd better go big and buff."

"You certainly figured right -- didn't he, Bud?"

"I'll say! I've never seen a turkey that big! Could you pass the stuffing?"

* * *

Thanksgiving, 2003:

"Golly, Bud, there's nobody in the world who can throw the kind of shindigs you throw! Every year the crowd is bigger, and every year you -- I don't believe it!"

"Hey, everybody."

"That's not a turkey, Barry -- that's a truck!!"

"If I'm gonna be your meal ticket, I'm gonna be your meal ticket."

"I mean, even the head is huge! You sure you haven't been slipping it some turkey growth hormone or something?"

"No way! This turkey's as clean as I am. We work him out, that's all."

"Well, you've done an unbelievable --

"And some flaxseed oil.'

"Flaxseed oil."

"It's like Butterball, only better."

"Unbelievable!"

"Well, don't just stand there, Barry -- pass that thing around! I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse!"

"That turkey looks like it already did!"

"A muscular horse, of course."

"Of course."

"Bud, did you ever dream you'd see a turkey built like that?"

"I never dreamed I'd see a turkey built like that! Is there any more cranberry sauce?"

* * *

Thanksgiving, 2007:

"Now Bud, don't go kicking yourself -- it'll all work out. It's not like you knew there was anything wrong with those turkeys!" "Of course I didn't know! How could anyone know?"

Posted 11/20/07. For holidays and other days, just click to "Rick's" -- and tell the neighbors!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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