 |
Your choice Be There, or Be SquareBy Rick Horowitz
Dear Young Man of Middle-Eastern Descent Now Enjoying the Fruits of Freedom Here in America: Greetings. You are cordially invited to attend an Open House to celebrate the start of the 2001 holiday season. The police department in your area, in cooperation with the Department of Justice, the FBI and other federal law-enforcement authorities, is pleased to invite you to take part in this extraordinary event, which we hope will become an annual tradition in your community. Holidays are special times, when one's thoughts often turn to friends and family. We hope your thoughts are turning in that direction, too, and we hope you'll choose to share some of those thoughts with us during our time together. We're eager to hear all about each of your friends, especially those who, like you, come from the Middle East -- the place where Christmas got its start, and where so many of the world's most important religions still have their homes. Perhaps you'll have colorful stories to recount about these friends: when and why they came to the United States, what they've been doing since they arrived here, any trips they might have taken (foreign or domestic) in recent years, any training they might have received in the use of weapons or explosives, any particular interest they might have shown in famous American landmarks, any opinions they might have expressed about terrorism in general or about specific terrorist acts -- in short, just the normal kinds of things young men talk about when they sit over a beer, or whatever it is you people drink. If you can remember the home and work addresses, and the home and work phone numbers, of each of these people, that would be especially helpful. If not, just jot them down on a piece of paper and bring them with you to the Open House. Many of these friends will already be known to us, of course, and many of them have already been invited to the party themselves, but we'd hate to miss anybody. Needless to say, we're also eager to hear about each and every member of your family, both immediate and extended. We're sure they're uppermost in your mind at this time of year, and we know they'd want you to be as forthcoming about them as you can. We want the very same thing. By the way, please don't take our keen interest in your various colleagues and relatives as indicating any lack of interest in you. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. When it comes to your own personal history, travels, skills, interests, political opinions, etc., we're all ears. The more we know about you, the better we'll like it, and a happy host always makes for a more festive event, don't you agree? Now a quick word about logistics. Your local Open House is celebrating the holiday season right through the start of the new year, but we recommend calling ahead for an individual arrival time. Operators at our national Open House Hotline (1-800-555-ARAB) are ready to help you find a time that's convenient for you, one that ensures that your hosts will be able to give you all the attention you deserve. And just in case you were wondering: We have no reason to believe that you are, in any way, associated with terrorist activities. The decision to accept our invitation is purely voluntary on your part. Of course, should you also believe that you are in no way associated with terrorist activities, and should you use that belief as a reason to decline our invitation, we would have to reconsider our reasoning and draw the appropriate conclusions. Please be assured that, in that event, every effort would be made to make your somewhat-less-voluntary appearance at the Open House as pleasant as possible under the circumstances. We know how embarrassing a forced detention of unknown duration can be, even for someone from your background. So should such an action become necessary, we probably won't even release your name to the public. As Attorney General Ashcroft himself has said, that would violate your privacy, and we certainly don't want to do that. We hope to see you soon. Very soon. Posted 11/29/01.
Wherever you're from, "Rick's" is the place to go for award-winning
commentary. (Tell your friends.)
|
  |
Rick Horowitz
