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"Disaster Man" Striking Out, Cashing InBy Rick Horowitz
If failure is the best teacher, Michael Brown ought to be a full professor by now, right? You write those words before bedtime, on a nice clean 4-by-6 index card, then drop the card on your desk for tomorrow morning. Not a bad opening line, you think to yourself. You can work with that. You wake up and you're not so sure. It's been months since it happened -- how many times can you slam the guy? He's old news. The mess he helped make of things, that's still there. It's everywhere. But the guy himself? He's gone. Give it up. Only he's not gone. He's back. And he's cashing in. "Ousted FEMA director Michael Brown plans to make a fresh start in Colorado, selling his expertise on how emergency planning can go very right or very wrong. "Brown, who was vilified over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina disaster, has formed a consulting firm to help clients avoid the kind of mistakes that sunk his career at the Federal Emergency Management Agency." That sounds exactly like the kind of thing you'd write -- one of those satirical newspaper stories you sometimes do, the ones that start out sounding almost real, but then the further you go, the clearer it is that it couldn't possibly be real, that you're making the whole thing up. Only you didn't write it -- you're just copying it down from an actual newspaper story, in an actual newspaper. Michael Brown is going to be a consultant. Even better than a full professor, you decide. More money, and he doesn't have to deal with all those students complaining about everything. (You know how he likes dealing with people who are complaining.) A consultant, then -- you'd make him a consultant. If you were making the whole thing up, that is. And you'd write some really earnest-sounding quotes for him. "Look," you might have him tell the reporter, "Hurricane Katrina showed how bad disasters can be, and there's an incredible need for individuals and businesses to understand how important preparedness is." And then, before people started laughing so hard their eyes would tear up and they couldn't read another word, you'd have him plunge right on ahead. "So if I can help people focus on preparedness," you'd have him say, "how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses -- because that goes straight to the bottom line -- then I hope I can help the country in some way." Nice patriotic touch there, you'd be thinking -- "help the country in some way." And especially coming right after that part about "the bottom line." It's the juxtaposition that makes it work. A little flag-waving, and a little wallet-padding. Only you're not writing the quotes. You're reading them. And this one, too: "I think people are curious: 'My gosh, what was it like? The media just really beat you up. You made mistakes. I don't want to be in that situation. How do I avoid that?'" And so they'd pay Michael Brown to tell them. How to "take inventory" of everything that's happening around them, for instance. How to give "the absolute correct message to the media." No fashion hints, you're surprised to find -- how to shop at Nordstrom, how to roll up those sleeves to look really involved -- but maybe that's for later. Or maybe he's saving it for the really high-end clients. In the meantime, you'd have him sharing other pearls of wisdom with anyone who cares to listen: "It's important for any leader to recognize: I made a mistake. What caused the mistake? How do you learn from it? And then move on." Which is exactly what he's doing -- moving on. A fresh start, a new home, and an exciting new business: Michael D. Brown LLC. The "C," you can't help suggesting, stands for "Clueless." Posted 12/1/05. Are
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Rick Horowitz
