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Shipshape Republicans Cruising for a Bruising?By Rick Horowitz
The holiday may be over, but that's no reason to stop being thankful. So let's give thanks for Tom DeLay. No, my brain hasn't been overrun by lemon-herb stuffing. (My stomach is another matter.) It's just that -- well, the House majority leader does so many things that make a difference, day in and day out. But like so many behind-the-scenes types, he doesn't get nearly the gratitude -- not to mention the attention -- he so richly deserves. Who else can make time stand still? When a 15-minute Medicare vote lasts for three hours, you just know that Tom DeLay has been there, holding back the final gavel until his Republicans can finally scrape together enough votes to pass the thing. (Note to myself: Do the new Medicare provisions include coverage for twisted legislative arms?) Who else can single-handedly scuttle a major energy bill simply by insisting on a provision that would have given the friendly hometown fuel-additive producer/groundwater contaminator an exemption from pollution lawsuits? The bill wouldn't pass with the provision in it, and DeLay refused to take the provision out. Just an ordinary day's work for "the Hammer." But those aren't the best reasons to give thanks for Tom DeLay -- not here in Columnland, anyway. Who else but Tom DeLay could give new life to every pundit and scribe in the nation, every stand-up comic and sit-down host, every satirist and blogger? Which is to say, who else but Tom DeLay would decide that the perfect perk for next year's conventioneering Republican congressmen and their friends in high places is a luxury cruise ship docked off the coast of Manhattan? You remember Manhattan, don't you? The heart of New York City? Ground zero in the day that changed America? Stunned and scarred, but courageous, too -- that was Manhattan, and for that matter, the rest of the city. And don't forget plucky. Remember how the rest of the nation marveled at how plucky those New Yorkers were, not letting anything -- not even the worst attack the country had ever suffered -- destroy their spirit? So what could be a more fitting tribute to their courage, to their...pluckitude, than to bring the commander in chief's own renominating convention to New York, just miles from where the towers once stood, and just days from the anniversary of that awful September morning? What could -- Cue the Norwegian Dawn! Cue its luxury staterooms and its fancy cuisine, its 14 bars and lounges and its 15 decks. Cue the jokes. Cue the photos. Cue the headlines. "Cruisin' for a Bruisin'." "We're Kings of the World!'" "SOS for the GOP?" "GOP Out to Sea." "The S.S. Gucci." You get the idea. So, apparently, do some embarrassed Republicans, even if they're much too scared of DeLay to even dream of criticizing him in public. They do worry, though, how shunning New York for the even higher-priced digs beyond the gangplank will play with voters, and not just with New York voters. After all, one of the reasons for holding the convention in New York was to try to convince everyone that the Republicans are "the party of inclusion." Stick a couple of thousand of them on the Norwegian Dawn, and they're just "the party of parties" -- fat cats and their chums doing plenty of purring. (So what else is new?) "In an era of nonstop news and visuals," wondered one (anonymous, naturally) Republican strategist, "do you want the visual of the convention to be a group of people sequestered on a cruise ship?" Good question -- I guess it depends on who answers it. Tom DeLay seems to think it's a great idea. I'm pretty excited about it myself. Thanks, Tom! Posted 12/2/03. Rick
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Rick Horowitz
