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What they're saying, what they're thinking The Tom ThingBy Rick Horowitz
"If he beats this rap in Austin, he will be back as majority leader, because nobody's going to tell him no." House Republican strategist, speaking anonymously for fear of crossing Tom DeLay (You can't beat the political classes when it comes to firm handshakes, hearty backslaps, and the sincerest of smiles. Of course, what's going on behind the smiles could be something else entirely. So Tom DeLay walks into a room of fellow Republicans...) "Hi, guys! Sorry I'm late." ["Did you really think you could have this meeting without me?"] "Tom! C'mon in! We were just wondering if you were going to be here." ["OK, who spilled the beans?"] "You know me -- I wouldn't miss it for the world." ["Nice try, you disloyal sons of -- "] "Well, grab a seat -- we're just gettin' caught up." ["Please God, don't let there be cameras in the hallway!"] "Don't mind if I do." ["Somebody's been sitting in my chair."] "What's goin' on? You've been back in Texas?" ["So what's it like, being an accused felon?"] "Always good to be home, always good to be here." ["You pull this kind of stunt again, I'll have your heads on a platter."] "Great news, though, wasn't it? The judge dropping those conspiracy counts?" ["So you're still on the hook for the money laundering?"] "Never had a doubt." ["Wipe that grin off your face!"] "And now you're going for a change of venue." ["They'll have to put a stake through your heart, won't they?"] "Just looking to get a fair jury, that's all." ["You bet they'll have to."] "Well, it's a lot to have on your plate, that's for sure." ["Let's see if we can just sort of ease into this, kind of subtle and...."] "That's what lawyers are for." ["Do I look like a fool?"] "But just the mental distraction -- it's got to be hard on you." ["Have you seen the polls lately?"] "You know me: I don't get distracted." ["You clowns couldn't even get the budget passed without my help!"] "Sure, but with everything going on in your life right now..." ["Hey, would somebody else say something? I'm out here by myself!"] "Like I said: You know me." ["You're a dead man."] "Roy just means he's concerned for you. Just like the rest of us are." ["Let Cheney do your fundraisers -- he's not running for anything."] "I know you are." ["You're all dead men."] "Tom, we're gonna need all the assistance you can give us -- you're still the best strategist we've got." ["And our rules still say you can't be in the leadership with a felony indictment hanging over you."] "It's nice of you to remember that." ["If you had any guts, you'd have changed the rules and kept them changed!"] "Well, there's really nothing we have to decide right now, is there?" ["Anything you want to tell us about Jack Abramoff?"] "There's nothing you have to decide at all! I'm gonna beat this thing, and then I'm majority leader again, same as always." ["C'mon -- somebody call me 'radioactive' to my face."] "That's great!" ["That's a catastrophe!"] "I knew you'd think so." ["You're cooked."] "Hey, that's what friends are for!" ["We're cooked."] Posted 12/6/05. Rick
helps you peek behind things -- tell the neighbors!
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Rick Horowitz
