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Lott, between the lines Wink. Nod. Wink. Nod.By Rick Horowitz He didn't mean it the way it sounded. Trent Lott, that is. That comment he made the other day at Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday party? The one that got him into such hot water? It was a "terrible" thing to say. And not just "terrible," but "insensitive." Not to mention a "mistake." And that's only what Lott's been saying about it! Or at least, that's what he's been saying about it since the furor turned...furious. Until things started to get out of hand, he seemed perfectly happy to stick with that standard squirm: "I apologize to anyone who was offended..." Turns out plenty of people were offended -- even the president, apparently. Not me, though. I'm sticking with Trent. When Trent's people say other people are making a big deal out of it, I say, "You bet they are!" When Trent himself says, "I regret the way it has been interpreted," I say, "You bet he does!" I mean, listen to the words! Here's the junior senator from Mississippi paying tribute to the very senior senator from South Carolina on a very special occasion, and here's what he says: "I want to say this about my state. When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all of these years, either." A slip of the tongue, some of Trent's people are calling it. Of course, when somebody discovered that Trent had said virtually the same thing about Strom at a political rally 22 years ago, it made the "slip of the tongue" defense a little dicey. But that's fine with me. I'm pretty sure it's even fine with Trent. After all, he's already explained that his comments didn't have anything to do with Strom's positions on civil rights and integration and such back in 1948. (Hint: He was rock-hard against them.) Those old positions of Strom's didn't even enter Trent's mind, not at all. What Trent was really thinking about, he explained, was Strom's support for "a strong national defense and economic development and balanced budgets and opportunity." You remember how much of Strom's '48 campaign was built around "a strong national defense and economic development and balanced budgets and opportunity," don't you? You don't? Well, that's just your silly brain (and those silly history books) playing tricks on you again. And all that segregationist stuff Strom kept spouting in '48, and for years afterward? Nothing but a blip. Didn't mean a thing. In fact -- and you know I'd never say it if it weren't absolutely true -- when Trent Lott looks back at Strom Thurmond's life and his record, he doesn't just see defense and development and balance and opportunity. I'm sure he sees all sorts of ways a more prominent Strom could have made this country a very different place. Physical fitness, for instance. One very big problem in America today is the number of very big Americans. If Strom Thurmond had been elected president in 1948, we'd definitely have had a slimmer, trimmer country. Sure, Harry Truman had his morning constitutionals -- but could Harry Truman hit the floor and give you 20 when he was 80? No way! With a man like Strom in the White House, though, millions of people would have been running for all they were worth. Or how about the critical problem of hair color? For so many years now, so many men have been so distressed to find their black or brown or golden locks turning to gray as they get older. Only a few brave souls have found the courage to stand up to nature and do what has to be done to keep up the hue for the USA. But if Strom Thurmond had ever been elected president, countless men all over this nation of ours would have said to themselves, "That looks like a guy who'll paint his head orange someday -- I can do it, too!" And don't forget family values. Have you noticed how many men and women looking for love and marriage limit their search to people who happen to be born within the same decade or so that they were? Not Strom Thurmond; he's shown that you can marry somebody who's 23 years younger than you are, or even 44 years younger, and still have a fine old time. If he'd done that in the White House 50-odd years ago, just imagine the impact he could have had! I'm sure Trent Lott was imagining it, too, and all the rest: no more fat, no more gray, and a land of fine, upstanding, love-hungry Americans all finding their Miss or Mister White. Right. Miss or Mister Right. No, really... Posted 12/12/02.
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Rick Horowitz
