The perfect gift

With a Big Red Bow

By Rick Horowitz

Rrriiiiiiinng! Rrriiii --

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dad -- it's George!"

"George! Good to hear from you. We were just -- Bar, it's George! -- were just talking about you. No, he's on the phone! Sorry, she's way over in the -- "

"Mom doin' OK?"

"Doing fine. Up to her eyeballs decorating the tree, same as always, but couldn't be better. Laura?"

"Great."

"And the kids? Looking forward to the holidays?"

"Absolutely. Look, I'm still real sorry I had to skip out on Thanksgiving dinner like that, and keepin' it all such a big secret. They just didn't want to take any chances on leaks, you know?"

"Wouldn't be prudent."

"Exactly! Anyway, we're hopin' to make it up to you at Christmas."

"You don't have to do -- "

"Actually, that's kinda what I'm callin' about -- Christmas and all. Do you know if our present arrived yet? The one from Laura and me?"

"Well, let me think for a sec. I know we got a few -- "

"It's kind of big? Like a big box?"

"Oh, that got here yesterday! Or maybe the day before -- don't know what I was thinking. Very sweet of you -- the kids are really gonna love having that home theater stereo thing."

"What home theater stereo thing?"

"Isn't that what it is? Know you heard us talking about maybe getting one for downstairs, just assumed that's what it was."

"You haven't opened it yet?"

"Of course not! Your mother's very strict about that -- you don't open Christmas presents until Christmas morning. Christmas Eve if you've been really good, maybe you can open a -- "

"Dad, I think you'll want to open this one right away."

"Right away? Is it perishable or something?"

"Something like that."

"You know, I was wondering about the air holes. Couldn't figure out why you needed air holes for a home theater thing."

"Dad, it's not a -- look, why don't you go open it? I'll hang on."

"That's OK. Got the portable, can keep talking while -- let me just get the scissors here, cut through all this tape. Golly, they really wrap these things up, don't they? Don't know what they expect to...to..."

"Dad?"

"Oh, my."

"We wanted to get you something special this year, Dad. I know it's something you've had your eye on for a long time."

"Oh, my!"

"Dad?"

"He...he looks just the way I pictured him. A little older, maybe."

"We're all a little older, Dad."

"He doesn't have lice, does he? You know how your mother is about -- "

"No lice, Dad. We had him completely checked out before we shipped him. So what do you think? Better than a home theater?"

"Much better. Much, much better. Bar! Come see what George -- I don't know what to -- "

"Dad?"

"Son?"

"Merry Christmas."

Posted 12/16/03. At the holidays and all year long, "Rick's" is your click for the best in commentary!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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