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Looking
for the hits you missed? Try
Recent
Rick for tons o' fun.
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It
was nearly unimaginable back then: Israelis and Palestinians
shaking hands on the White House lawn. It's even harder
to imagine now. Remember September of '93 in this Vintage
Rick!
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Why
do they call it "traveling" if you're standing still?
And can't anyone do something about it? Get moving with
this Seasonal Fave!
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Seasoned Greetings
Another Ho-Ho-Horowitz Christmas!
By Rick Horowitz
Seasonal melodies
you've treasured for a lifetime -- but what's with the lyrics? There's
only one explanation: It's another Ho-Ho-Horowitz Christmas!
Rudolph the Giuliani
Had a pal named Bernie K.,
Knew Bush could use a tough guy,
Sent him Bern to save the day.
All of the New York papers
Said he's perfect for the job,
Other than gifts and nannies,
Mistresses and -- gulp! -- the mob.
* * *
You better watch out,
You better not cry,
As muscle-bound men fall out of the sky,
Barry Bonds is coming to town.
He's doing "the clear,"
He's doing "the cream,"
His numbers are not as great as they seem,
Barry Bonds is coming to town.
He wants to keep on slugging,
And stay forever young,
So he puts the secret potions
On his knees and 'neath his tongue.
You better not root,
You better let go,
Just shout at your heroes, "Say it ain't so!"
Barry Bonds is coming to town.
* * *
Here come Democrats,
Here come Democrats,
Feeling Democrat pain,
Kerry and Edwards and all their voters
On the skids again.
Bells are tolling, heads are rolling,
What a terrible sight,
Hold your breath and you'll turn bright blue
Till Democrats get it right.
* * *
The deficit signs are frightful,
So the leaks come by the biteful,
Since the Treasury's much too slow,
"Fire Snow!" "Fire Snow!" "Fire Snow!"
Advisers can't stop their wrangling,
So they leave him out there dangling,
While they whisper it's time to go:
"Fire Snow!" "Fire Snow!" "Fire Snow!"
When they finally make their move,
They go back to the place they began,
Now they wouldn't dare disapprove --
"He's such a competent man!"
It's a matter of recognition:
He's got just the disposition
To be jerked around to and fro --
"Hire Snow!!" "Hire Snow!!" "Hire Snow!!"
* * *
O Celebrex, O Celebrex,
You frighten us like Vioxx,
O Celebrex, O Celebrex,
You frighten us like Vioxx.
They'll have to pull you from the racks --
The news could give us heart attacks!
O Celebrex, O Celebrex,
We'll toss you from the pillbox.
* * *
I'm dreaming of a junk lawsuit,
The kind that angers Dubya so,
Where the lawyers hover,
And folks recover
For wrongs done them long ago.
Bush loves to call them "junk" lawsuits,
Filled with frivolity and greed,
Let his fat cats grumble and plead --
They've got all the legal help they need.
* * *
"We'll do more with less,"
Said Rummy-pum-pum,
And now Iraq's a mess --
Blame Rummy-pum-pum.
No armor for our troops,
Rum-Rummy-pum-pum,
They gripe and he says "Oops!"
He's Rummy-pum-pum,
Cool as they come,
Saying "Ho-hum..."
* * *
"Survivor!" "Apprentice!"
Who's "The Biggest Loser"?
They stun ye, they stun ye with their te-ee-dium,
"American Idol," "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,"
Each person with a story,
Each person goes for glory,
One endless category,
I-I am bored.
Posted
12/21/04. At the holiday season -- or any season -- "Rick's" is the
place to be!
 Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV
commentator, writing coach and public speaker.
©2004 Rick Horowitz. All rights reserved.
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