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Hillary's House Look Homeward, Angel. (Cash, Check or Credit Card.)By Rick Horowitz Dear Friend: As we count our many blessings during this holiday season, we are ever mindful of those less fortunate than ourselves. And as we mark the new year in the warm embrace of family, we know how important it is to reach out to other families who are in need. It is in that spirit of generosity that we write you to ask: Won't you please help Bill and Hillary Clinton buy another house? No doubt you were as perturbed as we were to learn that, due to a quirk in the U.S. Constitution, our dear friends Bill and Hillary would soon be forced to leave their lovely home at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the scene of so many triumphs over the past eight years. And while you were surely delighted to see Hillary taking on an exciting new career as New York's newest (never "junior," please) senator, you also worried about how America's First Couple would adjust to life outside the White House. Luckily, Hillary was determined to make that adjustment as painless as possible, which is why she's spent the past several weeks viewing an assortment of spectacular homes in some of Washington's toniest neighborhoods. But comfort doesn't come cheap. And while a former President and First Lady certainly deserve a mansion of their very own right here in the Nation's Capital, paying for one is no simple matter, even for someone who's just negotiated an $8 million book advance. Which is where you come in. What better way to show your appreciation for all that Bill and Hillary have accomplished for our country than to make a sizable contribution to the Clinton Contentment Fund. Your generous gift will make it possible for these remarkable people to acquire the latest home of their dreams, a home of sufficient elegance and grandeur to rival the White House itself! Your prompt response is vital. Already Hillary has had to turn away from a perfectly appropriate $4 million home in Georgetown -- could your contribution have made it more affordable? Recently she's been focusing on homes in the $2 million range -- a small disappointment, perhaps, but this brave woman has overcome much worse in her life, and she'll overcome this, too. While Senate ethics rules will soon prevent Hillary from accepting gifts of more than $100, in just a few days Bill will be under no such restraints. In fact, the moment he leaves the Oval Office for the last time, he'll be able to accept gifts of any amount, so don't hold back -- send as much as you can! Those of you who worry that your contribution might somehow put Senator Hillary in a "conflict of interest" situation can specify that Bill keep the details of your particular act of generosity from her. He's performed similar services in the past, as you know. We're certain, though, that the vast majority of you will be eager to have both Bill and Hillary aware of your support, and eager, too, to bask in the gratitude they've always shown their friends and benefactors. (Major donors: Be sure to inquire about naming rights.) Once before, we asked for your assistance on Bill and Hillary's behalf, as they sought to better themselves after a lifetime spent in subsidized housing. We asked, and you opened your hearts and your wallets to them, and helped them pay off some of their enormous legal bills while they went house-hunting in the New York suburbs. The fruits of your kindness: that charming $1.7 million home in Chappaqua, a place that has given the Clintons literally hours of pleasure, and a place they'll continue to enjoy even after they've moved most of their possessions to even nicer quarters in Washington. Will they be selling their Chappaqua home? Not if Hillary has anything to say about it. There are so many memories residing there, and besides, she knows that two houses are better than one. After all, shouldn't the senator from the Empire State have a little empire of her own? Be part of the dream -- send money now! Posted 12/28/00.
Here's wishing you a healthy, happy, newsy New Year!
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Rick Horowitz