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New Year's Eavesdropping Life of the Party (The Grand Old Party)By Rick Horowitz "To Teresa!" "To Teresa?" "Absolutely! We couldn't have done it without her scarves, and her outfits, and her never looking like she was enjoying herself, and...and..." "And her scarves." "Absolutely! Always thinking she was so much better than everyone -- nobody wants a First Lady who's uppity." "And the accent." "Or weird. To the accent!" "To the accent! And to -- what else? -- to..." "To looking French!" "To looking French! Thank you, God, for making him look French." "Or enough so we could say he looked French." "And to everyone who bought it. Thank you, God, for the French -- we couldn't have done it without them." "And Whoopi Goldberg." "Is she French?" "She's the next best thing -- she's Hollywood!" "To Hollywood!" "To Hollywood!" "And to family values -- " "Which Hollywood is so not!" "And to the American family, long may it wave!" "As long as Karl's around to wave right back!" "Whatever we're paying him, it's not enough -- the guy's worth millions." "To Karl!" "To worth millions!" "Billions!" "87 billions!" "Good God, yes! To 87 billion -- to voting for it before you voted against it. What a gift!" "To God!" "Easy now -- we don't want to upset the base." "I'm just saying -- " "It's fine. Don't worry about it." "To the base!" "Much better. To the base!" "To the base!" "To getting Mary Cheney past the base!" "To Mary Cheney!" "She may be a lesbo, but she's our lesbo!" "To Mary Cheney!" "To Dan Rather! Bye-bye Dan!" "And bye-bye National Guard stories!" "Totally off the table!" "To no more Dan!" "To no more National Guard stories!" "And her scarves!" "Huh?" "Did I say that? I know somebody must have -- " "Gentlemen." "Who's he talking to? There any gentlemen in this...in this..." "Room." "Room?" "Gentlemen. I can't believe we haven't yet raised a glass to those fine, those -- " "Courageous." " -- men without whom we'd have absolutely nothing to celebrate this evening." "Nothing!" "Without their tireless efforts, without their determination to let nothing -- " "Nothing!" " -- and no one stand in their way, we'd all be cleaning out our desks right about now." "To the president? To the vice president?" "Gentlemen: To the Swift Boat Vets!" "To the Swift Boat Vets!!" Posted 12/28/04.
To your funny bone -- let "Rick's" keep it tickled all year long!
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Rick Horowitz
