You've Got Questions? Guess What He's Got.

By Rick Horowitz

Dear Mr. Politics: What's going on here? When Gennifer Flowers said she'd had an affair with Bill Clinton, the feminists didn't say a word about the guy. The Paula Jones case -- not a peep. Monica Lewinsky -- ditto. Now this Kathleen Willey gal goes on "60 Minutes," and all of a sudden it's "Houston, we've got a problem." Since when did they become the National Organization for Certain Kinds of Women?

-Puzzled in Peoria

Dear Puzzled: Cut them some slack, OK? The ladies who lurch are relying on well-known scientific evidence that women with big hair or heavy makeup cannot be sexually harassed, or even "improperly" involved; it has something to do with the chemicals in hair spray and eyeliner.

Dear Mr. Politics: Is Al Gore serious? I've been reading about his middle-of-the-night brainstorm to spend millions of dollars to launch a rocket into space just to send back pictures of the earth. Who needs it? If I want boring TV, I've got C-SPAN. Are we really supposed to believe this is "educational"?

-Miffed in Memphis

Dear Miffed: It is educational. They haven't spent a penny yet, and we've already learned that Gore should give up those bedtime snacks.

Dear Mr. Politics: I thought President Clinton was on great terms with Hollywood, but now I'm not so sure. First there was "Wag the Dog," which had a president involved in a sexual thing with a young woman. Now there's "Primary Colors." Aren't there any movies out there that show the president in a positive light?

-Wondering in Walla Walla

Dear Wally: Let's see now -- there was his campaign bio, "The Man from Grope."

Dear Mr. Politics: Even though he was accused of sexual misconduct by six different women, a court-martial jury acquitted Sgt. Maj. Gene McKinney of almost all the charges against him, and gave him only a one-rank demotion and a reprimand. Couldn't Congress do the same thing with Bill Clinton and be done with it?

-Tuckered Out in Tucson

Dear Tuck: You mean bust him down to vice president?

Dear Mr. Politics: Paula Jones's lawyers are now claiming she suffered severe emotional distress from her run-in with President Clinton, but they never even mentioned it until just a few days ago. What gives?

-Dubious in Denver

Dear Dub: She just remembered it. Experts say it often takes a second traumatic event to trigger certain long-suppressed memories. For Ms. Jones, the new trauma was probably the fear of having her case thrown out of court.

Dear Mr. Politics: When Ann Lewis from the White House went on TV to attack Kathleen Willey, she said that Willey had remained on good terms with President Clinton even after he allegedly came on to her, which supposedly made Willey's story suspicious. But then they showed an old tape of Ann Lewis defending Anita Hill and her story about Clarence Thomas, even though Hill had stayed on good terms with Thomas. How is this possible?

-Skeptical in Syracuse

Dear Skeptical: That was a totally different situation -- Clarence Thomas was not paying Ann Lewis's salary.

Dear Mr. Politics: For weeks now, we've been seeing those pictures of Bill Clinton hugging Monica Lewinsky. Now we're seeing pictures of Bill Clinton hugging Kathleen Willey! Do TV stations just get lucky, or what?

-Curious in Coney Island

Dear Coney: Not lucky -- well organized. A little-known fact: In his two decades in politics, Bill Clinton has publicly hugged all but four women in the United States (two nuns, an acrobat and a hermit with facial hair) and thousands of other women in various foreign countries. Cameras have recorded virtually all these encounters, and the resulting videotapes have been cross-referenced by name, location and "come-hither" rating. In fact, if Al Gore's 24-hour "Earth Channel" doesn't get funded, the administration is thinking of starting a 24-hour "Hug Channel."

Dear Mr. Politics: I don't get it -- they're in the middle of the biggest sex scandal in years, and the White House announces they're going to get Buddy neutered?! What is the president thinking?

-Grossed Out in Grosse Pointe

Dear Grossed: "Better him than me"?

3/17/98