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First you write a lesson plan... Monica and Bill: What's a Parent to Do?By Rick Horowitz Dear Mr. Family Guy: My husband and I try to raise our children right, with solid values. As you might imagine, all this recent controversy about the President's behavior has put us in a very uncomfortable position. We had hoped to shield them from these kinds of things until they were older, but all their friends are talking about it, and now our kids have started asking us questions, too. Any suggestions? Flummoxed in Phoenix Dear Flummoxed: Nobody ever said parenting was easy -- if it's not some crisis in your house, it's a crisis in the White House! At first blush, the President's problems may not seem a suitable subject for conversation with young people. However, with the proper approach, even difficult topics can be used to teach valuable lessons. The most important thing is to be direct with your children -- but that doesn't mean overloading them with more details than they can handle. For instance, if your kids ask a general question about Mr. Clinton's honesty, you can simply say, "Presidents never lie, and President Clinton said he didn't lie, so of course he's telling the truth." This answer should satisfy most children below the age of five. By contrast, older children will quickly discover that both you and the President have been lying to them, and they'll turn bitter and cynical. It's a hard world out there; the sooner they learn that, the better off they'll be. There are many other lessons you can pass along as well, and once again, the key is to tailor your approach to the interests and concerns of the particular child. For instance, with a teenaged boy who spends all his spare time cruising the Internet looking for dirty pictures, you might suggest he pay a visit to one of the congressional Web sites, where he'll soon realize that the printed word can be nearly as exciting as those photographs he's been salivating over. Many are the young men whose love of reading was first stimulated by just such an experience. With a younger child, of course, you'll want to try something different. Children's language skills are still developing at this age, and spending an hour or two exploring the hidden nooks and crannies in a single seemingly straightforward sentence from the President's grand jury testimony could be an exciting -- and educational -- adventure for both of you. With even younger children, whose language skills are quite basic, you can respond to their endless curiosity with some creative discretion. For instance, the question, "Mommy, what's a semen-stained dress?" can be the perfect opportunity to teach your preschooler some whaling songs. Concern about their children's health and safety is never far from parents' thoughts, and the current situation provides an excellent chance to warn your kids about the dangers of exposure to tobacco products, whether or not they "inhale." Likewise, where the President's behavior has fallen short of the standards of etiquette you've set for your own family, you should feel free to point that out and to reinforce your own approach: "I'm busy right now, Congressman -- may I call you back?" Needless to say, the overall complexity of the Lewinsky matter poses a particular challenge for parents. While most children won't be able to follow all the twists and turns of the case over these many months, you should be ready to summarize the major points and to offer general conclusions, e.g., "Be a lawyer -- that's where the money is." And finally, speaking of career options: Many well-meaning parents are fond of telling their kids that they might grow up to be President someday. Don't! Statements like that can do untold damage to a child's self-image. No matter how frustrating or hard to handle your children might be, there is nothing to be gained by insulting them. Posted
9/19/98. Fresh stuff right here twice
weekly!
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