They're just doing what comes naturally.

Fun Bunch

By Rick Horowitz

A little too much gleam in the eye? A little too much fang in the smile? Don't be too hard on them -- they can't help themselves. They're Republicans, and they're loving it. Can you blame them?

These particular Republicans are Republicans from the House of Representatives. To be precise, they're Republicans from the House Judiciary Committee. They're the ones who've turned Squirmy Video Week into a national holiday. They're the ones who've been standing up for the American people by spilling boxloads of dirt onto the American rug.

They're trying very hard to sound solemn about what they're doing. Sometimes the gleam in the eye gives them away. Other times it's the fangs, and the little drops of moisture running down their chins; it's not polite to salivate in public.

But can you blame them? They've finally got him cornered. After years of chasing, after years of not-quite-catching, they've finally got him -- the highly verbal and appallingly slippery President of these United States -- exactly where they want him. If you were in their shoes, you might be flashing a hint of fang yourself. Does a shark turn away when there's blood in the water?

They know it's better to sound solemn at a time like this, so they talk about "awesome responsibilities" and "constitutional obligations" and "the people's right to know." Especially "the people's right to know." It's edging toward miraculous, this sudden transformation of an entire political party into the Candor Caucus, but we live in miraculous times. What a great and glorious thing it is, that the "people's right to know" should match up so precisely with the Republicans' eagerness to tell them.

And eagerness is exactly what it is, unless it's overeagerness. If the speed of this whole video-releasing, dirt-dumping process strikes you as a bit unseemly, even a bit injudicious -- it is a Judiciary Committee, after all -- you have to understand where they're coming from, these Republicans.

Are they pushing hard? Of course they're pushing hard. Is there a touch of venom in the air when they step to the podium? You bet there is. Are they being nothing like nice? They couldn't care less. They were something like nice once before -- what did it get them?

They were something like nice back in January, remember, when this whole story first exploded into the headlines. The president was going over the cliff any minute now, everyone said; there wasn't a doubt in the world he was a goner. The last thing the Republicans wanted was to be blamed for it when it happened. So they held their tongues, held their fire. They were statesmanlike, almost dignified, as they waited for that final, fatal plunge.

Darned if the guy didn't find his footing! While the Republicans were keeping their discreet distance, waiting for the inevitable, somehow he managed to hang on by his fingernails, managed to scramble back to nearly solid ground.

They had their chance to get rid of him, and they blew it.

Now they have a second chance; they don't intend to make the same mistake. Forget the discreet distance. This time, they're stomping on his fingers. They're pounding on his skull. They're throwing every rock they can get their hands on. They have absolutely no interest in letting him catch his breath or regain his grip. Either they'll send him over the edge once and for all, or they'll keep him dangling long enough to grab a bushelful of seats in November. They win either way.

Do they come across as a little harsh, a little too partisan? Do they risk looking just a bit like a lynch mob? They figure it's worth the risk. Besides, they can't help themselves.

They're Republicans, and they want results.

Posted 9/26/98. Fresh stuff right here twice weekly!

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