But What About the "Ouch" Years?

By Rick Horowitz

"...don't care what he says, I never laid a finger on her! It's totally -- oops, gotta go. Yes?"

"Sorry to interrupt you, Mr. President. The Vice President is here to see you. He says it's important."

"No problem. Send him right -- Al! C'mon in! How're you doing this morning? You look tired."

"No big deal, Mr. President. I was up kind of late last night. Reading the budget."

"No wonder you look tired! You know, I said to Hillary just the other day, 'If there's one guy who'll read that sucker cover to cover, it's our Al.' So, what did you think?"

"Well, Mr. President, let me say first of all that I think you've done a masterful job of bringing the deficit down these past four years."

"Couldn't have done it without your help, you know. That 'reinventing government' thing of yours really made a dent."

"Thank you, Mr. President. Anyway, as I was saying, I think you've done a great job on the deficit, and I think the idea of a balanced budget in 2002 is a stroke of genius."

"Not just in 2002, Al, but for almost 20 years after that!"

"Positively visionary, Mr. President. If you can pull this off, you're going straight into the history books."

"Not 'if,' Al -- 'when.' 'When' I pull it off."

"Well, that's kind of what I was confused about, Mr. President -- the 'when.' See, I know you said that you're making -- I wrote it down -- 'detailed, difficult cuts in hundreds of government programs.' When are you going to say what they are?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's just that I can't find many 'detailed, difficult cuts' listed anywhere in the budget. So I was wondering when you were planning on spelling them out for everyone."

"They're in there, Al -- you just have to know where to look. Besides, don't you think there are times when it's better to keep your options open, not decide before you have to decide?"

"Well, that's the other thing, Mr. President: You seem to be putting off a lot of these decisions for quite a while. I mean, this is a five-year budget here, but you've got almost all the big spending cuts -- whatever they are -- scheduled for the out years, for 2001 and 2002."

"So?"

"Well, with all due respect, Mr. President, you'll be out of office by then. So you get the credit now for proposing a balanced budget, but whoever succeeds you takes the heat later for making the cuts to get there."

"'Whoever' succeeds me?"

"Well, Mr. President, I've kind of been hoping that -- "

"I know what you've been hoping, Al. Relax! We've got it under control. First of all, if I made all these decisions right now, there wouldn't be anything left for you to decide. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

"Of course not. But -- "

"Of course not. Now, when are the cuts supposed to happen?"

"The big ones? I told you: 2001 and 2002."

"And when's the next election?"

"In 2000."

"So what difference does it make? You're already in!"

"I still have to get the budget to balance, don't I? That's what you promised everybody."

"You say circumstances have changed. You say the economy's gone soft, the world's gotten more dangerous. You say Congress isn't cooperating. Doesn't matter what you say -- you get to hold off on the cuts for a few more years."

"Until 2005, for instance?"

"Now you're getting it! But you're still 'committed' to balancing the budget, right? And then after you're re-elected?"

"I put it off until 2009?"

"Exactly!"

"And I throw the whole thing into my Vice President's lap?"

"Exactly! Trust me, Al: There's only one perfect moment to balance the budget."

"And that is...?"

"Later."

2/11/97

©1997 Rick Horowitz. All rights reserved.