Call It a Family Business

By Rick Horowitz

In the headlines:

"Era of Downsizing Creates Job Boom for Class of '97"

Val and Vroom Babyboom, snug in their generation, worked hard, lived large, indulged themselves frequently. Who deserves it more than we do? they'd ask themselves as the latest whimmish prospect whirled into sight. The answer was always the same: No one deserves it more than we do. This made it easy.

Val (formerly Valerie) bought and sold properties (formerly companies) for clients with high-rolling urges of their own. The quick score or the slow-milking cash cow -- Val didn't care, she could put it together either way. Vroom (formerly Victor, formerly Vic) had a definite preference: He wanted it big, and he wanted it yesterday.

The go-go '80s? No one went-went with more spark in his engine (that's where the name came from), or more ring in his cash register, than Vroom did. No one else in mergers and acquisitions merged or acquired with half his panache. Grabbit Inc. (formerly LootCo, formerly Gamble & Gobble) was lucky to have him. If he wanted to work at home, that was fine with them. They were paying him enough; he could put his desk wherever he wanted to. Performance was the only thing that mattered.

In their spare time, Val and Vroom Babyboom raised a family.

"Hey Dadski!"

"Hey Kidski!"

This would be Trina -- eldest daughter, apple of her father's eye, and newly minted college grad. Trina was back home for just a moment, diploma in hand and dirty laundry in suitcase, to catch her breath before dashing off toward adultitude.

"I took it," Trina announced this particular afternoon. "I accepted the offer."

This was wonderful news, if somewhat vague. From the time his little girl was knee-high to a stock ticker, Vroom had stressed the importance of getting that first good job after college. And now here she was, all these years later, doing just what her father had told her to do.

But which offer? She'd had so many. These were good times for new graduates, Vroom had read. The top kids -- and Trina was certainly one of those, he assured himself -- had to fight the corporate recruiters off with a stick.

"I'm working for Grabbit!" Trina shouted. "Just like you!" There were screams of delight, multiple hugs.

"What's the excitement?" This was Val, home from the wars and ready to party. Vroom and Trina spilled the beans (plus a drop or two of champagne), and kicked it up a notch.

"So how much are they paying you?" her father wondered over the clink of glasses.

Trina mentioned a number. It wasn't a bad number -- not a fraction of what Vroom was making, of course, but for a new college grad, it was plenty. Vroom remembered the tiny salaries they were paying when he started out, and how hard he'd had to scuffle to land that first job. A twinge of envy? Not at all.

"I guess they figure I'm still a bargain?" Trina explained. "Especially compared to some of their old guys?"

Something about the phrasing caught Vroom's attention. There weren't any "old guys" at Grabbit, just young guys like himself; that's how they'd managed to stay on top for so long. Through the champagne, Vroom heard Trina's voice again.

"Yeah, they've got a couple of these old guys there? They've been pulling down major bucks, they don't even come to work anymore. Spencer says no way."

"Spencer...Glamm?"

"You know Spencer?"

"I work for him."

"I don't think so, Daddy. I mean, Spencer showed me his brand-new org chart, I'm sure you weren't anywhere on -- omigod!"

Val dropped her glass. It bounced once on the hardwood floor, then bounced again and blew into a million pieces.

"I'm taking Daddy's job! I'm taking Daddy's job!! Is that like the coolest thing you ever heard?"

Val and Vroom Babyboom wanted the very best for their children. Just not this soon.

5/20/97