Lining Up to "Be Like Mike"?

By Rick Horowitz

Well, we know he didn't use his wisdom teeth.

"In Tatters," the headline said. They weren't talking about The Ear, they were talking about The Career. "Tyson's Boxing Career In Tatters," the headline said.

Maybe so, maybe no. No question, it's the most famous mid-match munch in American sports history -- and if it wasn't the most famous when it happened, it certainly will be by the time the call-in shows and the headline writers ("Undisputed Chomp," "Bite of the Century"), not to mention every last one of us in the reporting and commentating trades, have had a go at it. (Quick: How many "Tyson bit off more than he could chew"s have you seen or heard in the past few days?)

Instant Review for Those Just Emerging from Submarines: Third round of Saturday night's heavyweight title fight in (naturally) Las Vegas. Former champ "Iron-Deficient" Mike Tyson bites off and spits out a piece of current champ Evander Holyfield's right ear. Do that again, the ref warns Tyson, and you're disqualified. Tyson then bites Holyfield's left ear. Close enough, says the ref -- we're outta here.

Let's skip over the traditional post-fight riot in the ring, with Tyson swatting at police trying to keep him from charging Holyfield, and Tyson's angry justifications for his bizarre behavior. (The other guy had deliberately head-butted him, he insisted.) And let's not get too hung up on the various boxing authorities, in Nevada and elsewhere, clucking their various tongues and vowing to take whatever actions are necessary to protect, if you'll pardon the expression, the integrity of boxing.

They're talking about hefty fines, or a suspension of Tyson's license, or even a lifetime ban from the ring. (Don't count on that last one.) Then there are the assorted legal possibilities -- a civil suit by Holyfield, or a finding that Tyson violated his parole when he swung at those cops, or who knows what else. It all looks pretty bleak for the kid from Brooklyn.

Or maybe not.

Tyson's boxing career may be in tatters -- and even that's not a lock, not with the vultures already calculating the potential take from yet another fight with Holyfield. But Tyson's post-boxing career has just taken a major leap forward.

Legend says the heavyweight champ is the best-known person in the world; Tyson just got bigger than that. People who before last Saturday night didn't know Mike Tyson the fighter from Mike Angelo the ceiling painter have suddenly had their "awareness" enhanced. They know all about the guy.

"But it's a bad reputation," you cry. "And no one's going to swallow that press-conference apology of his. `I just snapped'?! Gimme a break!!"

Doesn't matter. Celebrity sells -- good celebrity, bad celebrity, it doesn't make a difference. Ask Dick Morris. Do you think he got the big book advance because people admired the idea of presidential advisers sucking the toes of prostitutes? Ask Dennis Rodman.

"I just snapped," Tyson says. "Forgive me for snapping in the ring," he says. Sounds like the start of a new Snapple soft-drink campaign, don't you think? Or something a little offbeat for Snap-on Tools? Tyson could become a big-name endorser for either one of them.

But why stop there? There are all sorts of possibilities, everything from denture adhesives ("Leave a Lasting Impression....") to teething rings ("Bite Like Mike.") He could be honorary chairman of the American Dental Association. He could produce a line of bite-size snack foods. He could sell "Jaw Crunchers" on late-night TV. The options are nearly endless.

Or maybe I'm reading this totally wrong. What if the heavy hitters in Sales World decide they really don't want Mike Tyson on their team, that their corporate images would not be improved by linking up with a guy who bites off chunks of other people's ears?

No problem. There's always pro wrestling.

 7/1/97