A Tubeful of Grins: The New Season Begins

By Rick Horowitz

Brain cells, shmain cells! The Network That Matters has the new shows you crave! Toss that remote -- you're staying right here....

Sunday -- "Helms Behaving Badly" (Comedy) -- He's one in a hundred, but he always gets his way. He's feisty Jesse Helms, and he takes no guff -- and no prisoners. When Jesse waves his gavel, laughter's never out of order. Featuring ambassador-wannabe Bill Weld as The Latest Punching Bag.

"More Rocks from the Son" (Comedy) -- It's belly laughs with a British touch, as a family of aliens crash-lands in Buckingham Palace and tries to pass itself off as ordinary humans. A breakthrough role for Prince Charles, the stumblebum Windsor -- he's a Royal Pain, but he's next in line.

Monday -- "Slayers" (Adventure) -- They journey through the night. They break down your door. They shoot anything that moves. They're bounty hunters, and they always get their man -- or somebody else. Big deal. Everyone makes mistakes.

"Suddenly Albert" (Misadventure) -- That's Albert Gore, political Boy Scout turned Demon Dialer. There's gold in them thar calls -- but he'd better get his story straight; people are starting to talk. Co-starring Janet Reno as top cop "See No Evil."

Tuesday -- "Killer and Tiller" (Comedy) -- It's the year's funniest mismatch: a suave tobacco-company exec moves to Washington and hires a crusty old tobacco farmer as his butler. Where there's smoke, there's humor. You'll die laughing!

"House Improvement" (Mystery) -- There's the knife, there are the plotters -- but the body's still standing! Starring Newt Gingrich as the man with nine lives and an approval rating of 22. Can he keep his Raucous Caucus at bay much longer? You never know.

Wednesday -- "Dharma & Derma" (Comedy) -- A wacky bunch of California nuns raises money for political causes by catering Bar Mitzvahs. Come meditate on the merrymaking -- Buddha never had it so good!

"NYPD Boo" (Mockery) -- It's "New York's Finest" in a whole new light. Watch the men in uniform teach Haitian immigrants about life in the Big City; they'll knock your socks off. You're lucky they don't knock your teeth out.

Thursday -- "Friends?" (Alchemy) -- Celebrity journalists compete to see which of them can claim to be Best Bud of the newly departed Princess of Wales. Diana may be gone, but they're just getting started.

"Everybody Loves William" (He's History) -- "Has anyone seen my legacy?" When a lame duck can't quack for votes anymore, he starts playing for posterity. Starring Bill Clinton in the role of a lifetime, desperate for approval and searching for that One Big Thing.

Friday -- "Chelsea's Closet" (No Privacy) -- Well, they've gotta hide somewhere! It's time for campus hijinks as America's First Daughter goes off to college, and a straitlaced team of Secret Service agents tries to blend right in. Cool earphone, dude!

"Not Working" (Lunacy) -- Suit up for spaced-out giggles as Russian and American astronauts struggle to keep their creaky old orbiter from falling apart at the seams. If it's not one thing, it's another. Mir-ly the craziest show of the season? See for yourself.

Saturday -- "Skin City" (Ecstasy) -- She wants her good name back. His attorney says, "No way." Can a young woman from Arkansas stand up to the President of the United States? Paula Corbin Jones stars in this steamy, seamy courtroom tale of lust in high places. Don't miss a minute -- these briefs are hot!

9/19/97