Lord Knows He Could Use the Cash

By Rick Horowitz

Q. What is it about when it's not about money?

A. It's about money.

Q. But what if they say it's not about money?

A. It's still about money.

This handy little guide to the Real World of Sports is brought to you as a public service, to help you pick your way past the rhetorical pitfalls and potholes on the road to True Understanding. And today's lesson is? It doesn't matter what they say: It's always about money -- or do you really think God does contracts in His spare time?

You may have missed the latest word from Sean Gilbert. Perfectly understandable: With all the excitement over the start of the new football season, you can't be expected to keep track of everybody on every roster. Sean Gilbert, though -- you'll want to keep track of Sean Gilbert. He's setting new standards.

Sean Gilbert is a defensive tackle for the Washington Redskins, except that at last report, he's not tackling anyone. He's a holdout.

According to the papers, the Redskins have offered Gilbert (who made $1.25 million last year) a new five-year contract worth $18 million. That comes to $3.6 million per year, which as raises go, ain't exactly chicken feed. Gilbert, though, has a different number in mind. A larger number. He wants $4.5 million per year.

The Redskins say -- I'm paraphrasing here -- "Get lost," except that Gilbert can't get lost; as the Redskins' designated "franchise player," he isn't allowed to negotiate with any other team. He either works out a deal with the Redskins, or he doesn't have a deal. It doesn't matter; Gilbert is adamant: If he doesn't get his $4.5 million per, he sits.

But it's not about money.

How do we know it's not about money? Because his agent says so. His earthly agent, that is, a gentleman named Gus Sunseri. Apparently Gilbert has two agents -- and the other one has also been weighing in lately.

"Sean feels he's had a revelation from God," Sunseri announced just the other day, "that this should be the figure" in the new contract. The $4.5 million, that is.

The squabble is "over money," Sunseri explained, "but it's not about money. It's a spiritual thing."

Oh.

No word yet on whether God wants the deal front-loaded. How He feels about incentive clauses. Whether He's insisting on a no-trade provision. As far as we know, God has only revealed Himself to Sean Gilbert on the overall dollar amount. No surprise -- God's a big-picture kind of Guy.

I think we're in new territory here. Your typical pro athlete, trying to squeeze every last dime out of the franchise that's been profiting nicely by squeezing every last ounce of sweat out of him -- your typical athlete, trying to squeeze but trying not to look too greedy doing it, will solemnly declare that it's not really about money, not at all. It's about "respect."

And by "respect," does our Johnny Fleetfeet mean he wants a firmer handshake from the front-office personnel? Does he want to be addressed by one and all as Mr. Fleetfeet? Not quite. He means he wants to make more dough than Billy Motortoes makes. That's how people show their "respect." That's the only way they show their "respect" -- on the bottom line.

But this one's even better than that. As negotiating strategies go, Gilbert has his fellow jocks eating his dust. I mean, the Redskins might be willing to "disrespect" Gilbert by paying him a measly $3.6 million a year, but are they really ready to stiff the Big Fella in the Skybox?

Don't bet on it. There are just too many times in a football season when a team needs a lucky bounce, a little bit of divine intervention. The Redskins aren't stupid. If the Lord says Gilbert deserves the big bucks, then Gilbert deserves the big bucks.

Q. Does God get 15 percent?

A. It seems only fair.

9/5/97