For those midsummer uglies.

And the Living Is Easy

By Rick Horowitz

Wristwatch died. Went downtown to get a new battery.

Answering machine got zapped by lightning. Called long-distance to order a replacement, went downtown to ship the old one back for repairs.

Eyes got blurry. Went to the optometrist's office on the other side of town for an eye exam and a new prescription. Glasses would be ready in a week.

Air conditioner died. Called the landlady, who called the repairman, who came and put a new motor in.

Car smelled of exhaust fumes. Took the car downtown and got the muffler replaced.

Went to the other side of town to pick up new glasses, found the lenses weren't centered properly. Optometrist ordered another pair of lenses from special lab in Dallas. Special lab's special lenses had to be cut exactly to the frame. Gave up current glasses for mailing to Dallas. New ones would be ready in a week.

Bicycle tires were soft. Took bicycle to gas station, used air hose to fill tires. Rode one block before over-inflated tire blew out.

New motor on air conditioner started making loud grinding noises. Called the landlady, who called the repairman, who came and took new motor out. Temperature outside topped 85.

Glasses didn't arrive on time. Optometrist promised they'd be there any day now.

Disk drive on computer died. Took computer to neighboring state for emergency service. Technician replaced disk drive, returned computer. Tested computer before leaving -- other disk drive died. Felt good knowing that computer standards were so uniform; after four years of use, both disk drives bit the dust within hours of each other. Replaced second disk drive.

Air conditioner repairman reported new part for grinding motor was hard to find. Temperature outside topped 90.

Glasses didn't arrive at optometrist. Called Dallas, found glasses never arrived in Dallas. Optometrist couldn't imagine why, ordered another pair from Dallas, ordered an emergency pair locally. Traveled to the other side of town to pick up emergency pair, couldn't see through them. Optometrist discovered "grinding error" in emergency lenses, promised second pair from Dallas would arrive in a week.

Computer started running more slowly with new disk drives. Played phone tag with computer technician.

Second pair of Dallas glasses didn't arrive at optometrist. Called Dallas again, found frame for second pair never got to Dallas either. Optometrist couldn't imagine why, swore he mailed them himself, agreed to mail prescription here so glasses could be made locally.

Friends arrived from out of town, stayed one night, called from home to report son had had head lice during visit. Washed and vacuumed everything he touched.

Prescription never arrived, three weeks after optometrist said he mailed it. Backup copy of prescription, supposedly mailed five days later, never arrived either. Optometrist couldn't imagine why. Traveled to other side of town to pick up third copy of prescription, shout at optometrist. Went downtown to get prescription filled. Glasses would be ready in a week.

Air conditioner repairman found missing part, put new and improved motor back in, soldered potential weak spot in pipes. Temperature outside topped 95.

Picked up glasses, couldn't see through them. Went to different optometrist for new eye exam, found first optometrist hadn't specified proper lens curve in earlier prescription. Got new prescription, went back downtown to get new prescription filled. Glasses would be ready in a week.

Car still smelled of fumes, may have needed new exhaust system, too.

Called to check on glasses. Lenses hadn't arrived yet, technician was leaving work early to get naturalized. Congratulated technician. Glasses would be ready next week.

Desk lamp flickered.

Air conditioner leaked all over carpet.