The worse it gets, the better they like it.

Weather or Not: That's Why They're Watching

By Rick Horowitz

AVON, N.C. -- Beryl was a drip -- all windup, no pitch. John is a blowhard, but he's too far away to do us any harm. And Chris? Well, Chris could have been interesting if only he'd gotten himself organized.

We know these things because we're watching The Weather Channel.

Here at the ocean, the houses are on stilts and the tourists are on edge; keeping track of what's coming -- and how soon, and how hard -- is nearly as important as tracking down the tasty crabcake or the sturdy beach umbrella. For the quick changes, we sneak a peek over our right shoulders, to the south and west; that's where the next thing, the 20-minute downpour or the all-day yuck, will be coming from.

For the big picture, though, there's only one place to turn: The Weather Channel.

With The Weather Channel, you've got your local forecast, "accurate and dependable." You've got your three-day forecast, your regional forecast, your national forecast, your international forecast ("...today's high in Frankfurt..."), your travelers' report -- all of it accompanied by the kind of easy-on-the-eardrums jazzish noodlings that practically invite you to kill the picture altogether and throw yourself a party.

If the picture weren't so essential, that is. And the most essential part of the picture for us, sitting here with our...necks sticking out into the Atlantic? It's not the local forecast or the three-day forecast, not the regional or the national or the international forecast. It's not even the travelers' report. It's the Tropical Update.

Every hour or so, and thoroughly essential viewing with the morning coffee, it's the latest news from the wet, warm places where hurricanes are born. If the barometer is falling off the west coast of Africa, The Weather Channel people have the numbers. If the clouds are circling in the Lesser Antilles, The Weather Channel people have the pictures, and the projections and the predictions.

Not to mention the attitudes. Is it just my imagination, or do Weather Channel people get grinnier and grinnier the worse their forecasts get? "This one's coming together very nicely," they chirp, as storm signs gather off somebody's shore. "It's looking real good..." they twitter, all smiles and anticipation, as somebody's wind climbs past 70 miles per hour. "That's a hurricane, folks!" they exult, as an absolute moose of a system takes aim at somebody's backyard.

I know: You don't want them bored -- but these clowns are having entirely too much fun doling out the bad news.

We, on the other hand, see the whole thing a little differently. Last summer, for instance, we finished our visit down here just 72 hours before Hurricane Emily moved in. Two summers before that, we showed up just after Hurricane Bob left; they were still putting the roof back together and mopping up the carpet. And the summer in between, we'd hovered in a hotel room hours north of here, waiting to see which way the latest big one would go: northwest to the Carolinas, or due west across Florida.

Due west, came the word. So we came on down, turned on The Weather Channel and saw what we'd missed -- or what had missed us: Hurricane Andrew.

So you can understand if we're just a bit touchy on the subject; getting blown to Kingdom Come isn't exactly our idea of a Kodak moment.

But it's a perfect one today -- sunny skies, a light breeze, nothing even remotely nasty over our shoulders. We're calm and happy. The Weather Channel people are morose and --

Wait a minute. Something's moving out there in the mid-Atlantic, some upper-atmosphere convection thing with possibilities. It's still too early to tell, The Weather Channel people are saying, but it could, it just might...

Yes: "It bears watching."

We're so happy for them.