All through the night

When the Ball Comes Down, Clarisse

By Rick Horowitz

When the ball comes down, Clarisse will be cuddling in a corner with Walt. Tom, who brought her, will not be pleased.

LuAnne and the man in the turtleneck will be crouched in front of the TV, watching the news from Times Square. He's from New York, and this will be the first one he's missed in years.

Mitch and Betsy will be circling the Beltway, having missed their exit for the third time in 20 minutes. Mitch will want to turn around and go home, and Betsy will remind him that Phil and Fran are his friends, and besides, if they could turn around on the Beltway, they'd be at the party by now.

Liz will join Fran and Marsha in their annual "Ronettes' Salute to the New Year Pageant." No one will have the vaguest idea anymore of what the Ronettes looked or sounded like, and everyone will applaud madly.

Wanda will be in the pantry, calling home to check on the baby. She won't recognize Sharon, LuAnne's kid sister, who's in for the weekend. Sharon will stay in the pantry until all the shouting is over. She's only just been introduced to people.

In the living room, Steve will be stalking Jamie. Lorna won't have the heart to tell him that Jamie and Lee are an item, have been since Thanksgiving weekend. Steve tends to be late getting this kind of information.

Phil will be holding forth at the clam dip -- "my proudest creation," he'll say -- on the need for pension reform, "the nation's most pressing problem." He'll reach for something to clean his beard, and come up with miniature copies of Carl's resume tucked into the napkin holder. Carl will deny everything.

Half a mile away, Russell will be sleeping in his own bed, the radio turned up loud. No one will notice he's missing.

It's the first time out for Bobby and Jill and, after counting off the relevant seconds, they'll move together on the couch and kiss, when the ball comes down.

When the food runs out, Jamie will be calling around for a place that delivers pepperoni and sausage pizzas in the middle of the night.

Shouting "Guy Lombardo lives!" Phil will try to remove Donny Osmond's teeth with a hiking boot. He won't succeed; the teeth -- on this screen, at least -- are indestructible.

Clarisse will be back where she came from -- with Tom -- in a familiar location -- the bathroom -- doing what they do best -- arguing. The fleeting object of her attentions, Walt, will be pulling yearbooks down from the shelves, making occasional eye contact with Sharon, and trying to pin down just when was the best year of his life.

There will be a silence, that moment when all sentences throughout the room simultaneously run out of steam. It will last no more than a moment -- people will see to that -- but the party is mortal, the night will not last forever after all. Within minutes, Carl and Liz, Mitch and Betsy will have their coats and be out the door, looking for a party yet unthreatened by the morning.

They'll pass Shoop-Shoop and Billy (who think they've found it here) in the front hallway, stomping show off their shoes. In 10 minutes, Shooper will have a line dance organized, and Billy will be doing card tricks he learned from a cereal box.

Wanda will laugh so hard she'll cry. Then she'll cry.

Russell, still asleep, will get up to make sure the windows are closed. The radio will be long gone.

Bobby and Jill will be kissing every hour on the hour. It's something to do when the food runs out.

When the sun comes up, the man in the turtleneck will be at the House of Pancakes, debating foreign aid with Steve. LuAnne and Lorna will be comparing Bar Review courses, while Sharon and Betsy (not Mitch's Betsy, the other Betsy, from work) are sharing a gallon or two of coffee and a cup of raspberry jam.

Tom and Clarisse will be asleep under the down coats in the guestroom. Bobby and Jill will have long since given up waiting for the hours to chime, but they need neither entertainment nor an audience, so Phil and Fran won't worry about them. Shoop-Shoop and Billy, on the other hand, need both, and will show no signs of leaving -- Fran will be getting desperate.

Walt will be at the shore, watching the sky turn red. He'll wonder whether Sharon would have come along if he'd asked her. Next year, he'll tell himself, he shows up with someone or he stays home.

Russell will be awake, his January bills fanned out on the table before him. The street absolutely silent, the time all his: He'll be making a fresh start.

Wanda will pull the blankets tighter, when the sun comes up.

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator and public speaker.