A little help around the house

Suite Zoe

By Rick Horowitz

A Washington tale, horrific but true,
Of sweet notoriety out of the blue,
A woman of skill, connected and canny,
She took the big step and fell right on her nanny --
Her nanny,
Her nanny,
She fell right on her nanny.

Woe to Zoe,
Woe to Zoe Baird,
Woe to Zoe
She was not prepared.

Went up to the Hill,
Not a smidgen of dread,
She opened her mouth and she said:

"It's so hard to hire a nanny on 500 thou a year,
You can cast your net for prospects
But the good ones disappear,
You can comb the advertisements, still the situation's clear,
It's so hard to hire a nanny on 500 thou a year.

"It's so hard to land a live-in on a measly half a mill,
All you get are some Peruvians
And couples from Brazil,
It's much cleaner if it's legal, but it's cheaper if it's il-,
It's so hard to land a live-in on a measly half a mill."

They said "Whoa!" to Zoe,
"Whoa!" to Zoe Baird,
"Whoa!" to Zoe,
Talk-show tyrants glared.

Returned to her seat,
Faced the questioning gang,
She smiled at them all as she sang:

"It's so hard to get good help on just 500 thou a year,
We were glad to pay a pittance,
We'd have loved a volunteer,
It's a tiny little pimple on a major-league career,
It's so hard to get good help on just 500 thou a year.

"It's so hard to hire a nanny and I know you understand,
I'm in quite the same position as you mommies 'cross the land,
In the mountains of Montana,
Right along the Rio Grande,
It's so hard to hire a nanny on a mere 500 grand."

They said "Go!" to Zoe,
"Go!" to Zoe Baird,
"Go!" to Zoe --
Fatally impaired.

The president fiddled,
The nominee burned,
While everyone else says they learned:

A Washington tale, horrific but true,
And the very same thing could happen to you,
Before you move up, check each crevice and cranny,
Or you'll stumble, too, and fall right on your nanny --
Your nanny,
Your nanny,
You'll fall...right...on...your...nanny.